May 8, 2008

Dork vs. Dork: Speed Racer
Finally NASCAR and anime come together to create the creepiest fanbase imaginable
By Glenn Given production@hippopress.com & Dan Szczesny dszczesny@hippopress.com

I’ve come around to Speed Racer. It was never my favorite Japanese-to-American import cartoon (sweet, sweet Robotech), but its zany charm grew on me. Snazzy cars that can punch each other and do backflips racing at a hojillion miles per hour on a jerkily animated backdrop is an undeniable blob of kitsch-glee. The herky dubbing, shoehorned translations and time-filler exclamations of suprise are charming. Now let’s not go knocking the Wachowski brothers; their track record is pretty strong, with only the last Matrix film failing to please, though even that had its fun moments. There is no reason to think that they can’t bring the same kinetic spazzery to Speed Racer’s hypercolor grand prix. The match between franchise and director here is solid and if you’re in the mood for a piece of sugar-blasted anime-esque insanity I’m sure that Speed Racer will pay off. What other movie this year is going to offer indy cars with buzz saws and missle blasting semis while a tarted-up Christina Richie worriedly hovers above the track in a neon pink helicopter? Plus, John Goodman; how can you go wrong with Goodman? — Glenn Given

Dan Responds
You know, I can’t imagine you believe anything you just said. Pink helicopters? You used the word spazzery. When did you become a 14-year-old girl? Listen, dorkette, haven’t you fallen far enough? Have a little pride in your genre of choice. Flashy colors and pretty spaceships do not a movie make. Put down the pixie sticks and stop drawing unicorns on your notebooks. Go watch Blade Runner before it’s too late!

Ahhh, IMAX, the last hope of a desperate movie. The Rolling Stones, Miley Cyrus, Harry Potter. See an IMAX pattern here? Give me avalanches or tornadoes with my IMAX, not an ancient Japanese cartoon that didn’t have any legs when it first showed up — like 50 years ago — and certainly won’t be improved by the biiiiiiig screen.

And the Wachowski brothers? I must admit I am curious to see how they will be able to take an innocent kids’ movie and imbue it with inappropriate and irrelevant religious imagery. Remember they are writing the thing as well. I’m sure Speed will be able to drive on water, and maybe he’ll turn water into Kool-Aid.

The bottom-feeder players list just goes on and on: Matthew Fox, Christine Ricci, Susan Sarandon. It’s an encyclopedia of “stars” that once were. Hey, why not see if, oh, I don’t know, Larry Hagman is available to play Pops?

But wait, there’s more. Want to hear another dirty little secret? Set design, cinematography and editing — all brought to you by the people who made the last three Star Wars movies. Between The Matrix and the George Lucas crew, Speed Racer is all that is wrong about film-making. This movie is a super villain.

Glenn Responds
We can’t all cry away our loneliness watching Discovery channel movies on the IMAX, Dan. Some of us have people who willingly enter dark rooms with us. You connect this movie to the Star Wars prequels like those crew members bring some kind of curse to this project, but you conveniently forget that Speed Racer is importing everybody worthwhile from those films. I don’t see any Lucas’, Christensens or Jar Jar Binks in those cars

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