  |
|
May 7, 2009
|
Dork vs. Dork: Star Trek By the silicon ears of Leonard Nimoy if ever there were a franchise in desperate need of a hard reboot it’s the doddering Trek universe. Seriously now, I’ve memorized my share of starship floor plans and anesthesized my brain enough to allow a “demodulated deflector array” to perform feats of techno wizardry that would make Stephen Hawking jump up and shout Hallelujah! I love the quasi-socialist-gentlemanly utopia against all odds that TNG brought. And the epic Asimovian war story of Deep Space 9 is some of the best seasons of television around, but after that, it done gone bad. Whether it was the anything-goes attitude of Voyager, the “Hey Hey! Hey!!!! Scott Bakula is Here!” plot of Enterprise or the crushing hammer blows of eight atrocious films pumped through my wallet and into my bruised headmeats, somebody, ANYBODY needed to take sci-fi fandom’s albatross out and give it the Ol Yeller. Obviously George Lucas has fallen short of this task. Thankfully J.J. Abrams and a … oh wait … J.J. Abrams? Sorry I liked Alias when it was called Le Femme Nikita and Cloverfield? How clever! The Blair Witch Project meets Godzilla — there is nothing better than getting motion sickness and never showing us the giant man in rubber suit. You know what? Skip this mugging cash grab at warp eight. MAKE IT SO … I DON’T HAVE TO SUFFER ANY MORE. - Glenn Given jaQ Responds Dan asks a good question: did you see the trailers? There’s at least one future bar fistfight, an adolescent classic car theft, skydiving from orbit, a Vulcan/Human smackdown and a ship called the U.S.S. Kelvin that gets the everloving crap beat out of it. Oh, and Uhura takes her top off. OH MAN, ARE YOU KIDDING? SERIOUSLY, DID YOU SEE THE TRAILERS? I have, I’ve been watching them NON-STOP for, like, SIX MONTHS! REALLY! I am actually sitting at home or, you know, at work, or at Starbucks, whatever, just WATCHING OVER AND OVER. I HAVEN’T EATEN IN FOUR DAYS! That one where young Kirk is in the Corvette and he goes over the cliff and that other one where he meets McCoy for the first time or that one where it looks like Sulu is sword-fighting — I’m not sure he’s sword-fighting, I slowed it down and I studied it but it’s hard to tell; he’s swinging something at somebody, that’s for sure. And that guy from Heroes really looks like Spock, and I loved Hot Fuzz so Scotty will be cool, and DID YOU SEE YOUNG UHURA? ARE YOU JOKING? AMAZING! And after the last, well, all of the awful Next Generation movies, and seeing Riker and Troy in a bathtub together, god, remember how frightened you were when that happened? And then we had to somehow live through five seasons of Enterprise with the guy from Quantum Leap (which was an excellent show by the way), and then it turned out Enterprise was all a dream, or a holodeck program, I’m not sure because I was throwing up during the finale. I really thought I’d Never Be Excited Again about Star Trek. AND NOW IT’S FINALLY HERE! I HAVE TO GO NOW AND BLOW THE DUST OFF MY SPOCK EARS AND GET IN THE MIDNIGHT LINE FOR TICKETS! SEE YOU AT THE SHOW! - Dan Szczesny Evil Mirror Universe jaQ Responds
|
04/30/2009 X-Men Origins: Wolverine 08/21/2008 Death Race
|
Navigation
