Our first three kids went off to college pre-pandemic, so my husband and I were pretty well practiced in that transition. But No. 4’s drop-off in 2020 was like no other. First stop was a huge tent where students had Covid nose swabs. Next we drove to a parking lot behind her dorm. Per emailed instructions, she unloaded her gear at precisely 2:30 p.m. and hauled it up to her third-floor room. By herself. In contrast, I remember fluffing the comforter on my firstborn’s dorm bed. Luckily, the email had warned her to bring only what she could carry, in case the college had to shut down. Still wearing her mask, my sweet youngest waved to me from her window.
That’s it. I drove away.
Whatever my daughter was experiencing, for me one of the biggest contrasts to her brothers’ drop-offs was the lack of ceremony. By that I mean everything from quirky customs introducing students to school culture to formal events with inspiring speeches. These practices eased the 18-year-olds into college and the parents out of micromanagement. At one school, cheering upperclassmen sporting logo garb lined the drive onto campus. At another, we were invited to attend a mass — followed by cocktails. Long ago at my own university, the “Freshman Assembly” included faculty in academic robes and the glee club. (Watch The Chair on Netflix.)
Historically, colleges and universities have been particularly partial to formal celebrations but ceremony is important in many spheres. Ceremony is how society marks transitions and gives meaning to life. Think baptisms, first day of school, bar and bat mitzvahs, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, retirements, funerals. So many of these events had to be put off during the pandemic. Some were rescheduled. Others were reshaped, still marking an occasion but perhaps not serving the original purpose. Our high school seniors instituted a car parade that has become fun for young families and empty-nesters to watch. But a memorial service months after a loved one’s death doesn’t help start the grieving process. Grief doesn’t wait. Nor does business. No matter how long or how much an employee has contributed to an organization, a goodbye party really has to take place when the separation occurs. Those who remain get back to work.
Despite the delta variant, this fall, with all its back-to-school optimism, is a good time to acknowledge some of the transitions that went unmarked last year. Did a colleague, teacher or coach retire without fanfare? Did a new generation become the oldest in their family? What about our 20-somethings, forging their way as adults in this confusing, divided time? I think they deserve recognition. We need a Forward-in-Life ceremony.