Category: Film Reviews

Sassy girls in olden times edition

Rosaline (PG-13)

Kaitlyn Dever, Isabela Merced.

Before there was Romeo and Juliet, there was Romeo and Rosaline — also a Capulet who was wooed by Montague Romeo in secret. An off-screen character who just rates a mention in the Shakespeare play, Rosaline (Dever), here the center of the story, is so certain of her True Love for Romeo (Kyle Allen) that she makes an extra effort to scare off all the potential husbands brought to her by her weary father (Bradley Whitford), who really just wants her to pick someone and leave the nest already. But Rosaline, when she’s not dreaming of Romeo, dreams of being a cartographer and not so much of being some thrice-married widower’s most recent wife. Rosaline is particularly peeved when one of these forced dates — with actual handsome young man Dario (Sean Teale) — makes her late to the masquerade ball where she was planning to meet up with Romeo.

Rosaline writes letter after letter to apologize for missing him but later learns that he has been spending all of his time writing letters to her young cousin, Juliet (Merced). Rosaline tries to convince Juliet to enjoy the single life and forget about this sweet-talking phony Romeo but, with a kind of Disney princess sweetness, Juliet can’t quit the equally besotted Romeo.

Rosaline is a fun bit of romantic comedy using the familiar story to (lightly) examine romantic heartbreak and the dearth of occupation choices for women in Renaissance-era Italy. Dever is a treat as Verona’s Daria, who doesn’t like to admit when she’s wrong, and Merced does a good job of walking the line between dopily innocent and smarter than people give her credit for. Allen makes his Romeo a goofy but good-natured dude who could be plausibly appealing to two very different kinds of girls. B Available on Hulu

Catherine Called Birdy (PG-13)

Bella Ramsey, Andrew Scott.

Or, if you prefer, Game of Thrones’ little badass Lady Lyanna Mormount playing the daughter of Fleabag’s hot priest/Sherlock’s Moriarty. In this Lena Dunham-written and -directed movie (based on the book by Karen Cushman), Birdy (Ramsey), as Catherine, the oldest daughter of a noble but not terribly flush family in 1290 England, is called, gets her period and finds out that she’s the most valuable asset her spendy father Lord Rollo (Scott) has. Thus is Birdy paraded in front of a series of men, whom she is able to scare off by pretending to be various kinds of unhinged — or just demonstrating that she’s mouthy and willful, which, this being medieval times, is enough to brand a woman unmarriable. But Rollo keeps on — he’s in need of the cash a dowry will bring, what with Birdy’s mother Lady Aislinn’s (Billie Piper) regular (if sadly unsuccessful) pregnancies, his son Robert’s (Dean-Charles Chapman) own marriage hopes and the family manor to run. But Birdy wants to stay at her family home with her nurse (Lesley Sharp), her childhood buddy Perkin (Michael Woolfitt), fellow reluctant-marriage-market-participant Aelis (Isis Hainsworth) and her mother’s brother, Uncle George (Joe Alwyn), a former soldier in the crusades whom Birdy girlishly worships. She sees him as a hero and wishes to either be him or marry him — oh if only he were her cousin and not her uncle, she says with “I know that boy band singer and I would be perfect together” breathlessness.

Catherine Called Birdy sort of straddles the line between being a thoroughly modern story with a medieval setting and being a peek at life in an earlier time. Birdy is sassy and opinionated and often scored with a solid line-up of pop songs that would make Sofia Coppola proud. But she also has only the life options of a 1290s girl. Even as she scares off some suitors, it’s clear that eventually she will have to let one of them catch her and that the rough stuff of childbirth and mothering is in her future, like it or not.

Watching Birdy grow up a little, going from a clearly loved and indulged child to someone who comes to understand more of the balance of bitter and sweet in life, is surprisingly affecting. Beneath all the veils and period dress, we get a lot of frustrated parents trying to help their kids find their way and very teen-like kids trying to balance duty and their own desires. Ramsey does this well, making for a compelling not-quite-kid but not-yet-adult woman coming to terms with society’s limits and how and when she can push them. It’s a sweet story, told with a winning sense of humor. B+ Available on Amazon Prime Video.

The Princess (R)

Joey King, Dominic Cooper.

A princess in unspecified olden times wakes up to find that the jerk (Cooper) her father the king (Ed Stoppard) wanted her to marry has seized the castle and is holding the king, the queen (Alex Reid) and the princess’ younger sister (Katelyn Rose Downey) hostage. She left him at the altar, correctly sensing his tyrannical ways, but now he’s going to force a marriage like it or not. The princess is chained and locked in a tower until the ceremony; good thing her warrior buddy Linh (Veronica Ngo) has spent years teaching her to sword fight with the best of them.

Look, this ain’t Shakespeare or even a riff on a Shakespeare tertiary character, but The Princess is real punchy kicky swashbuckle-y fun. It’s an hour and 34 minutes long and could probably lose another 20 minutes, much in the manner that the princess loses bits of her fancy wedding dress with each fight, becoming more badass with each encounter. We get some training flashbacks, some flashbacks to “girl as a ruler? Preposterous!” from the father-king. But mostly it’s just the princess, kicking and stabbing as she grows more determined to save her family and friends. B Available on Hulu.

The School for Good and Evil (PG-13)

Sofia Wylie, Sophia Anne Caruso.

Besties find themselves at a boarding school for the future heroes and villains of one-day fairy tales in this Harry Potter-y, The Descendants-ish warmed over mash with a strangely good cast.

Behind the scenes: director Paul Feig. In front of the camera: Michelle Yeoh, Rachel Bloom, Rob Delaney and Patti freaking LuPone, all in blink-and-you’ll-miss-it bit parts, as well as Kerry Washington and Charlize Theron as the leaders of the Good and Evil schools respectively and then Laurence Fishburne as the one school headmaster to rule them all. How? Why? And if you have them, why not give them something interesting to do?

Teenage-y Sophie (Caruso), living in a crummy ye olden days village filled with small-minded ye olden days peasants, is a crackerjack dress designer who dreams of becoming a fairy tale princess and has the talking-to-squirrels skills to back up that dream. Her best friend Agatha (Wylie) is the daughter of the town witch and shunned as a witch herself. When Sophie is dragged off to the School for Good and Evil after making enrollment there her fondest wish-upon-a-wishing-tree wish, Agatha follows her in hopes of keeping her friend safe. They’re dumped off in the school yards — but are they the right school yards? The golden-haired princess-wannabe Sophie finds herself at the School for Evil, where the students are called Nevers. Agatha is in the taffeta nightmare that is the School for Good, where the Evers might be future heroes and princesses but they are currently snotty jerks. Not that the goths at Evil are any better. Why are all these fairy tale folk so awful? Can Agatha save Sophie? Did this movie need to be two and a half hours?

To answer the first and last of those questions: because this is basically high school, and not at all. “People are not all good or all bad” is the message of this movie, but rather than examine this the movie mostly just states it over and over. There are not-bad ideas here about not letting yourself believe whatever arbitrary labels your school or peer group puts on you, but the movie never goes more than half an inch deep. It doesn’t even dig deep enough to be the sort of silly fun that something with Theron as a vampy villain should be. C Available on Netflix.

Wendell & Wild (PG-13)

Voices of Lyric Ross, Angela Bassett.

As well as the voices of Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele as Wendell and Wild, respectively, two demons that find a human Hell Maiden, Kat (Ross), to help them visit the land of the living in this animated feature.

Kat is a girl consumed with anger and guilt about the death of her parents when she was a child. Certain that she was the cause of the car accident that killed them, she carried that with her to profit-focused group homes, unkind schools and juvenile detention. She returns to her home town as a teen to go to a private girls school and finds that the death of her father and the destruction of his brewery ushered in the downfall of the town of Rust Belt — a downfall cheered along by the Klaxon family who own Klax Korp. The snakey Klaxons (voices of David Harewood and Maxine Peak) want to bulldoze the town entirely to make way for a corporate prison. Dogged activist and local council member Marianna (Natalie Martinez) is attempting to stop Klax Korp and to prove that they’re behind the fire at the brewery. Her son, the artistic Raul (voice of Sam Zelaya), a trans boy who also attends the school, refuses to listen when Kat says she’s not a good person to be friends with.

Raul joins Kat on a trip to her parents’ gravesites when Wendell and Wild, demons with whom she is newly acquainted, promise to revive them. But Sister Helley (Bassett), one of the school’s teachers, has tried to warn her about doing business with demons.

A harebrained brother duo with a plan to build a real-world amusement park, Wendell and Wild might have a connection to Kat but they’re willing to do business with the Klaxons to make their Dream Faire a reality. Making deals with the devil (or in this case a devil’s goofy sons) is one of this movie’s themes, along with the greed behind services that should be helping people. It’s a surprisingly complex kind of villainy for a kids’ movie (Common Sense pegs it at age 11 and up; I’d say at least that). And Kat’s redemption arc is only partly about magical powers or demons — it’s mostly about learning to forgive herself.

The movie delivers all of this thoughtfully and with some truly lovely visuals. The animation here is stop-motion (we see Kat in the real world with a filmmaker at the very end of the credits) and everything from the characters themselves to the clothes they wear or their surroundings has texture and heft. The people have a slightly angular quality with almost hinge-like features on their faces that call to mind marionettes but with more fluid movements. The movie is able to give us personality and emotion in the characters’ faces that give them a depth beyond their stylized look. A Available on Netflix.

The Good Nurse (R)

Jessica Chastain, Eddie Redmayne.

Nurse Amy Loughren (Chastain) struggles to work while dealing with a heart condition but comes to suspect friend and colleague Charlie Cullen (Redmayne) isn’t just bending the rules by helping her in this movie based on a real-life story of a serial killer. The movie makes it fairly clear early on that Charlie is a killer, even if we don’t know the extent of his crimes going in (though I feel like I’ve read a couple of People magazine stories about it).

Amy doesn’t suspect Charlie right away but she does suspect something is going on when a patient who had been recovering suddenly dies. The hospital later investigates, but does so in such an aggressively unhelpful manner that the police detectives (Noah Emmerich, Nnamdi Asomugha) seem pretty sure from the jump that something has gone wrong.

Chastain does a good job of radiating competence — something she is often very good at doing with her characters. Redmayne is mostly a collection of oddball behaviors and twitches, which is a thing I often believe to be true of his performances. Overall, The Good Nurse has the feel of an extremely well-made TV crime drama. B- Available on Netflix.

Beast (R)

Idris Elba, Sharlto Copely.

Idris Elba fights a lion in this most “exactly as advertised” thriller. Sure, everybody gets a bit of backstory: Elba plays a father of two daughters (Iyana Halley, Norah Samuels), the older of whom is nearly levitating with rage at him for separating from their mother right before the mom got sick and later died of cancer. Copely is a guy in charge of a South African nature reserve who has maybe tangled with poachers. And the lion they eventually fight has the backstory of watching poachers kill his pride and then going all John Wick, lion-style. But all that is very secondary to “Elba v. Lion,” which is why we’re all here.

And on this score the movie delivers. It is fine, maybe even good if probably not great. Elba is exactly what you expect him to be — the movie doesn’t make him superhuman but does make him an Elba-amount of strong and increasingly capable at fending off the angry lion. It offers you exactly the action and suspense you expect and doesn’t get bogged down by trying to do anything more. B Available for rent or purchase via VOD.

Pinocchio (PG)

Tom Hanks, Cynthia Erivo.

The already disturbing story of Pinocchio does not get cuter in this shiny plasticine live-action adaptation of the 1940 Disney cartoon. Here, Hanks (presumably involved because of director Robert Zemeckis? Or is this a “sea witch gives you legs but at a price” situation?) is Geppetto, a sad widower made even sadder by thoughts of his young son who has also died. He makes a large-ish puppet, wishes on Cynthia Erivo (a blue star/Blue Fairy) and wakes to find that the puppet is now sorta alive (with a voice by child actor Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) but his new “son” is still wooden. Jiminy Cricket (voice of Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a cricket and the movie’s narrator with meta tendencies, is tasked with serving as Pinocchio’s conscience, which is a tough job when a kid knows nothing about the world, is chucked out the door to go to school and is immediately preyed upon by a con artist fox (Keegan-Michael Key) who sells Pinocchio to a traveling puppet show producer.

This movie sort of pokes fun at some of the crazier aspects of the story and gives us some of the songs — “I’ve Got No Strings” etc. — but that’s just not enough to make your olden-days cautionary tale to kids about the untrustworthy world entertaining or charming or funny. It’s weird — its strange spread of accents is weird, its general joylessness is weird and its ending is so weirdly abrupt I rewound to make sure I didn’t miss something. C- Available on Disney+

Luck (G)

Voices of Eva Noblezada, Simon Pegg.

In this animated movie, 18-year-old Sam (voice of Noblezada) ages out of the foster care system and has to make her own way — working a job at a gardening store, taking online classes, navigating her new apartment. But she’s worried about something that has always plagued her: bad luck. How bad? She accidentally locks herself in her bathroom, drops her toast jelly side down and gets a flat tire, all on her first day of work. But then she meets Bob (voice of Pegg), a black cat. Bob is an employee in the Land of Luck and he accidentally drops his lucky penny right next to Sam. She picks it up, planning to give it to Hazel (voice of Adelynn Spoon), a young girl she bonded with at the group home who yearns for a forever home just like Sam once did. While holding the coin (and absorbing its luck) she experiences how the other half lives, with computer uploads that work and streetlights that are always green.

When Sam accidentally flushes the lucky penny, she tracks down Bob to get Hazel a new one. She follows him to the Land of Luck to score herself another penny, and Sam and Bob reluctantly work together to try to get the coin but find themselves upsetting the delicate balance of good and bad luck.

This movie is light and generally sweet and has a lot of cuteness in the form of cats, leprechauns, a colorful dragon and adorable hazmat bunnies. It also has a fair amount of talking and while my elementary school kids basically stuck with the movie I could tell that their attention waned a bit in the middle as the movie gets bogged down in a bunch of tasks for its characters to complete. A richly textured Pixar movie this ain’t but it was acceptable for family movie-night entertainment. B- Available on Apple TV+.

Me Time (R)

Kevin Hart, Mark Wahlberg.

“Regular person in crazy situations” is the formula for this buddy movie about a stay-at-home dad who gets a week by himself. Sonny’s (Hart) wife Maya (Regina Hall) urges him to chillax at home while she takes the kids to her parents for spring break. Maybe he’ll even attend the multi-day 44th birthday party of his longtime friend Huck (Wahlberg; sure, ha, “44”), who he hasn’t seen for a while due to Huck’s “woo-hoo, Burning Man!” lifestyle while Sonny is more focused on PTA meetings and family schedules. Huck drags a bus full of his weirdly young friends out to the desert for their own off-the-grid music-festy experience full of alleged fun that just sounds like a parade of horrors (Forage for food! Sleep in this yurt! Poop in this bucket!). But this overplanned, underplumbed event is only the start to the craziness Sonny encounters now that he has taken a step into Huck’s world.

Look, I’m not, like, mad that this movie exists. It’s not terrible. Kevin Hart is in movies like this for a reason; he is skilled at being the comedy straight man who can also go a little zany. And there are nice touches — the big friend-relationship step of learning the name of a fellow parent previously only known as “Kid’sname’s Dad.” But there aren’t as many truly askew moments as you’d want to really sell the “wild ride”-ness of this movie. C+ Available on Netflix.

Easter Sunday (PG-13)

Jo Koy, Lydia Gaston.

Comedian Jo Koy plays a version of himself called Jo Valencia who is a comedian with a big Filipino-American family, a sullen teenage son called Junior (Brandon Wardell) and a shot at landing the lead in a sitcom pilot. Jo is having a hard time balancing co-parenting Junior with giving his all at his audition, where they knock him off balance by asking him to give his character a Filipino accent. He’s wrestling with this angle to the job opportunity and trying to help Junior figure out his teenage life when his mom, Susan (Gaston), asks him to travel from the L.A. area up to the Bay Area for Easter. It’s a whole to-do — church, a big meal, family drama — and Jo decides to go and drag Junior along. Family and work become even harder to balance as Jo tries to make a surprise second audition a five-hour drive away and deal with family nuttiness that includes a half-baked gangster and a stolen pair of Manny Pacquioa’s gloves.

Easter Sunday has a lot of good ideas but it still has some very rough draft-y qualities, like an impromptu comedy set Jo Valencia does at his church and some of the sillier gangster stuff. There is a subplot about Junior’s not quite fitting in with the wider community of his Filipino-American family that makes for some good “first- and second-generation American kids in an immigrant family” stuff, but it is never quite as fully realized — more a pitch for a thing that could be a part of Jo Valencia’s story than something the movie fully examines.

And ultimately, I hope that’s what Easter Sunday turns out to be — a starting point for a stronger, more fully filled in story that Jo Koy gets to tell in some future vehicle. C+ Available on VOD.

Honor Society (TV-MA)

Angourie Rice, Gaten Matarazzo.

Also Christopher Mitz-Plasse, Armani Jackson and Kerry Butler.

Rice has the energy of an unstoppable assassin as Honor, a high school senior who is laser focused on getting into Harvard. She has constructed an entire Tracy Flick-meets-all-the-Gossip Girls personality to help her excel and stay on track, getting As in everything and engaging in all the requisite clubs and activities. All she needs now is that little extra nudge, the recommendation from guidance counselor Mr. Calvin (Mitz-Plasse, really pouring on the sleaze) to his contact at Harvard to help Honor’s application stand out. Honor thinks she has it in the bag but then she finds out she’s only one of his top four candidates for the Harvard prize. The others are Victorian-gothy weirdo Kennedy (Amy Keum), the handsome and popular Travis (Jackson) and the nerdy loner Michael (Matarazzo). Honor decides that she needs to take these competitors down by diverting their attention away from their grades. She is able to pull Travis and Kennedy into a school play but with Michael she decides to be more direct and hopes to flirt him into grade-depressing confusion. He proves to be a harder mark than the others but Honor is dedicated to her cause.

When a girl who clearly thinks of herself as a teen throat-cutter who will achieve her goals is talking directly to camera about the awfulness of her hometown and the fakiness of the people she’s surrounded by it isn’t exactly a surprise that “Harvard” turns out to be the friends we made along the way. But Honor Society does this in a way that I wasn’t completely expecting, one that is actually sweeter and more optimistic than you usually get from a teen movie that sets itself up as having an acerbic heart and a conventional collection of story points. And Rice is able to carry all of this very well. She manages to make Honor feel like something approaching a real person — a heightened version of one who is maybe three notches too self-aware for her age, but still somebody who has some layers to her personality. Honor Society maybe isn’t a teen movie for the ages but it is a surprising light and fun little treat. B Available on Paramount+.

The Gray Man (R)

Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans.

Also Billy Bob Thornton, Ana de Armas, a little bit of Alfre Woodard and Regé-Jean Page, who, if this is what he declined to appear in Bridgerton for, should maybe rethink his career choices.

Ryan Gosling is Sierra Six, sort of a Jason Bourne-y, James Bond-ish super-secret CIA assassin type who joined up because it was the alternative to remaining in prison. After nearly 20 years of professional assassin work, he shows signs of not being 100 percent on Team Merciless Killers. During a mission to take out, as station chief Carmichael (Page) describes, a bad guy holding a bad thing, Six declines to take a complicated shot because a kid is nearby. Instead, he causes a whole to-do, with the fighting and the guys breaking through windows and whatnot, and when he finally faces the guy he was sent to kill, the guy tells Six that: he, the soon-to-be-dead guy, is Sierra Four (Callan Mulvey); if Six is here to kill Four someone is probably getting ready to kill Six, and he has proof, hidden in a USB hidden in a necklace (which Four gives to Six), that Carmichael is himself a bad guy.

Six may not know what to believe but he believes enough to not tell mission co-worker Dani (de Armas) about the necklace, which he quickly sends to a safe location. Then he goes on the run, knowing full well that Carmichael will come after him. For help escaping, he turns to Fitzroy (Thornton), the man who recruited him and ran the Sierra program for a while. But Carmichael knows that’s where he’ll turn for help and hires Lloyd Hansen (Evans), a professional psychopath, to put pressure on Fitzroy to get Six. Lloyd will achieve this both with traditional torture, fingernail pulling and the like, and with the psychological torture of taking Fitzroy’s young niece, Claire (Julia Butters), hostage.

“I get it, you’re glib,” Thornton’s character says at the beginning of the movie to Gosling. It’s meant to introduce us to Six but it also sums up the whole movie. The tough guy with a dryly delivered wisecrack is the gas this movie runs on. The engine is a “playing spy” vibe that includes frequent use of jargon-y terms like “wheels up” and “the asset” and “alpha team.” It all has the general appearance and flavor of a spy-vs.-spy action movie without truly being satisfying, the way a frozen personal pizza has the general appearance and flavor of pizza without at all satisfying a pizza craving. The movie is full of international locales and decent-to-good actors delivering their grim and grimly humorous lines and lots and lots of shoot-’em-up scenes and kicky-punchy scenes but everything feels about an inch deep in terms of having a story and characters we really care about to hang this all on.

Well, OK, there’s one character I didn’t really “care” about but enjoyed watching on screen and that’s Evans’ Lloyd. Chris Evans seems to be having an absolute blast with his ridiculous mustache and his even more ridiculous haircut and his general “Wheee, I get to be a jerk! Wheee!” sensibility. He is also glib but he brings a kind of sparkle to it that makes it, while no more substantial, highly watchable.

Look, if you haven’t already, you’re probably going to watch The Gray Man — it’s an Anthony and Joe Russo-directed film, it’s on Netflix, it will fill about two hours of your “what should we watch” time and ask nothing of you. Is that a great recommendation for a movie? No — but as filler entertainment it works just fine. C Available on Netflix.

Mr. Malcolm’s List (PG )

Freida Pinto, Zawe Ashton.

Also Sope Dirisu as the titular Mr. Jeremy Malcolm, Oliver Jackson-Cohen as Lord Cassidy and Theo James as Capt. Henry Ossory.

Julia (Ashton) and Selina (Pinto) are school buddies now both in their marrying years in Regency-era London. After many seasons on the marriage market, Julia thinks she’s finally found her match with the handsome and wealthy Mr. Malcolm. But then he ghosts her in a way that ends up depicted in a tabloid caricature and she’s hurt and humiliated. When she learns why, she nearly glows with rage: she did not meet the specifications on Mr. Malcolm’s list of qualities a wife must have. You see, Mr. Malcolm, in addition to being rich and handsome, is also sort of the worst. He has a list of impossibly high standards and extraordinary qualifications a woman must have — no tacky relatives, skill at playing music, forgiving nature, etc.

Julia decides that what Malcolm needs is to feel the same humiliation and rejection she does so she gets kind Selina, eager to leave her family’s country home after dodging an unwanted proposal multiple times, to come to London. With the help of Lord Cassidy — Julia’s cousin and Malcolm’s friend — Julia tries to mold Selina into Malcolm’s idea of the perfect woman in hopes that he will fall for her and then Julia can get Selina to viciously dump him.

Selina is very “meh” on this plan and halfheartedly allows it to happen around her. She seems just happy to be in London and eventually finds she genuinely likes Malcolm. She also likes Capt. Ossory, a relative of a woman Selina used to work for, who befriends her and starts hanging around with the group that is Julia, Cassidy, Selina, Malcolm and some other relatives.

Selina is a genuinely nice person; Julia, Cassidy and Ossory are goofy but interesting, and then there’s Malcolm, who is just unpleasant. And here’s the problem with this rom-com. I don’t really want Selina to be saddled with Malcolm, handsome though he is, and they’re the couple we’re supposed to be rooting for. I mean, sure, it turns out he’s got all this inner emotional awkwardness, blah blah blah, but that doesn’t retroactively make his character more appealing. This movie (which is based on a novel) has notes of Bridgerton and Jane Austen tales but you don’t get the sharpness, the comedy or the swoony romance that either of those two Regency-love-story providers offers. C+ Available for rent or purchase.

The Sea Beast (PG)

Voices of Karl Urban, Jared Harris.

A brave band of sea-beast hunters can be heroes but still be wrong — such is the message of The Sea Beast, driven home with increasing frequency as this animated movie goes along.

A vaguely pirate-y looking crew are part of a long tradition that takes to the seas and hunts the giant (very colorful) beasts that live in the oceans. Captain Crow (voice of Harris) has long sought to take down a large red beast with his ship the Inevitable. He plans to do just that and then hand command over to long-time crew member Jacob Holland (voice of Urban). But if they don’t catch the red beast there will be nothing to hand over. The king (voice of Jim Carter) and queen (voice of Doon Mackichan) have decided that instead of paying these hunters to catch beasts, they will use the navy to hunt down beasts in giant (and Crow says unseaworthy) cannon-studded ships.

The Inevitable is in a race with one such ship is in a race to find the red beast when they discover a stowaway: Maisie (voice of Zaris-Angel Hator), an orphan full of tales of the sea and the heroics of hunters, like her late parents. Because Jacob had talked to her a bit when the ship was in port, he feels responsible for this child during a beast attack. Maisie and Jacob wind up overboard and face to face with a beast. Perhaps because Maisie had just cut the ropes tying the beast to the ship so the flailing beast wouldn’t pull the ship under, the sea beast doesn’t eat them like little snacks. Later, when Maisie and Jacob find themselves washed up on an island full of similar giant sea creatures, they start to wonder if all they know about sea beasts and their war on humans really constitutes the whole story.

I’d say that this movie isn’t for the youngest kids — there are lots of beasts, some extremely cute and some large and bitey. Scarier still are the humans, with their guns and swords and British-y imperialism. But for maybe 7 or 8 and up, there is a big of swashbuckling pirate-y adventure with vaguely “it’s OK to reevaluate your history” and “hey, not so much with the animal killing” messages, which feels like a nice balance to the (animated) humans fighting with weapons. Scenes on the ocean and on the beast island are particularly eye-catching with their bright colors and picture-book images. B- Available on Netflix.

PERSUASION EDITION

Persuasion (PG)

Dakota Johnson, Cosmo Jarvis.

Also starring Richard E. Grant, Henry Golding and Nikki Amuka-Bird. The mopiest of Jane Austen’s big four novels (the others being Emma, Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice; Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park have always seemed like the Austen B-team), Persuasion is the tale of Anne Elliot (Johnson), the sensible middle daughter of a titled but indebted family, who is still mourning the loss of Frederick Wentworth (Jarvis), the Navy man she was engaged to but then broke up with at 19. He was a poor sailor, and family friend Lady Russell (Amuka-Bird), who served as Anne’s mother figure after the death of her own mom, felt the match was all wrong for Anne. Lady Russell convinced Anne to give Wentworth up but Anne never got over him and never married anyone else. Now she’s in her late twenties and, as she tells us in some direct-to-camera chatter, still self-medicating with long baths and lots of wine.

Anne is thrown back into the path of her ex when Wentworth, now wealthy and looking to marry, visits Anne’s sister Mary (Mia McKenna-Bruce, doing a lot of fun things as the whiniest Elliot sister) and her extended family, with whom Anne is staying now that her family has been forced to rent out their fancy manor house. Anne can’t figure out how Wentworth feels about her now and, despite being pretty mouthy in a way that is not exactly canon for this character, can’t seem to communicate her own feelings to him.

Acerbic chattiness and excessive drinking are two of many ways this Anne doesn’t exactly jibe with the Anne Austen fans might know from the book or earlier movie adaptations. One of the others is that she is Dakota freakin’ Johnson and an obvious knockout whereas book Anne has always felt to me like someone who thinks of herself as a wallflower who blooms according to the circumstances. I get what this movie seems to be doing, with its “what if Bridgerton plus Dickinson to the power of Fleabag” approach, but for me Anne’s character just doesn’t work. The 2020 Emma highlighted what a jerk the Emma character could be, but it did this by making that existing element of the character bolder. Here, I feel like the movie invented a new Anne (someone maybe closer to an Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice) and then shoved her in book Anne’s story, with the two elements always in opposition. It’s never clear why this Anne let herself be “persuaded” away from her bae in the first place and why she stayed that way all these years, even as she becomes a Regency-era Daria.

That said, I didn’t hate it or at least I didn’t hate this Persuasion as much as headlines suggest other reviewers hated it. It’s the first Persuasion I’ve seen that dug a little more into the Anne/Lady Russell relationship. You understand how these two women could remain close in spite of the persuasion-ing that has made Anne so unhappy.

I also liked everything to do with Mary and her in-laws, the comic-relief-y Musgrove family. They feel less goofy and more like full characters than in previous iterations. And this movie gets the tone of the William Elliot (Golding) character maybe better than any other movie I’ve seen. He is the right amount of “up to something” and charming and very open about all of it in a way that would be appealing to a brainy girl like Anne. And, for what it’s worth, the movie does a pretty good job of demonstrating how to cast actors of color in period stories that don’t include characters of color: you just do it. It works great here and allows this huffily received movie to at least get to be part of the “Henry Golding having fun on screen” film genre.

Persuasion feels like a “for Austen completists only” product but, as just such a person, I’m not mad that I watched it. B- Available on Netflix.

This newest Persuasion had me wanting to remember how other adaptations had approached the story. Here’s a look at some of the other Persuasion adaptations available for viewing. I’m not including Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, the novel of which claims a loose connection to Persuasion, for the carefully considered and scholarly reason that I don’t wanna.

Modern Persuasion (PG, 2020)

Alicia DeWitt, Bebe Neuwirth.

Also Mark Moses (a “hey it’s that guy” from like everything on TV; maybe you remember him as Duck Phillips on Mad Men) and Liza Lapira (who is fun on The Equalizer) and Shane McRae as the love interest.

Here, instead of the central family living at Kellynch Hall, Keller Keller-Lynch is the name of some kind of PR firm that has gone through hard times recently and had to downsize from offices in Manhattan to, gasp, Brooklyn. Wren Cosgrove (DeWitt), this movie’s Anne, is a loyal worker, giving her all to Keller-Lynch. Perhaps this is because she can’t get over her decision not to follow her college boyfriend Jasper Owen (I’m sure McRae is a nice person but he leaves absolutely no impression in this role) to San Francisco. Her aunt, Vanessa (Neuwirth), was insistent that Wren not give up her career for a man and while Wren agreed at the time, she has grown to wish she’d chosen differently.

Jasper, now the CEO of a company that does some app thing, interviews Keller-Lynch to run his PR, putting him and Wren back in contact. The firm’s social media girls (Tedra Millan, Daniella Pineda) stand in for the Musgrove sisters as the young women Owen flirts with, and instead of a title-protecting cousin Wren gets her flirting action from Tyler (Chris O’Shea), a guy at a rival PR firm.

This movie is incredibly lightweight and has that quickie rom-com feel of Hallmark movies and some of the more discount-y Netflix romances. It’s perfectly fine as “something that’s on”-level entertainment but it doesn’t offer much else in the way of romance or comedy or any fun twist to the original story. C- Available via Hulu and Amazon Prime and I guess you could pay money to buy or rent it but, like, I wouldn’t.

Persuasion (NR, 2007)

Sally Hawkins, Rupert Penny-Jones.

Penny-Jones, this ITV movie’s Wentworth, was apparently the mayor in the recent The Batman, IMDb informs me. Also here are Tobias Menzies (of The Crown, Outlander and Game of Thrones, among many other things), as Wentworth’s romantic rival for Anne, William Elliot. And see Watcher Giles himself, Anthony Head.

Head is pretty perfect as the vain and oblivious Walter Elliot, father of Anne (Hawkins), who believes himself to be much better than everyone despite having completely decimated his family financially. This very faithful, in story and in period, telling hits all the familiar points: Anne goes to stay with her sister Mary (Amanda Hale) and her family only to find herself reintroduced to Frederick Wentworth (Penny-Jones), the naval officer she loved but was persuaded to dump years earlier.

What this movie offers that others don’t is more of a window on Wentworth and his feelings. He’s still angry when he first sees Anne again and it’s clearer here than in other tellings that his flirtation with another woman is more about his reaction to Anne than his genuine attempts to find a non-Anne wife.

Coming in at just over 90 minutes, this adaptation is worth a watch for Austen fans — if you can find it. As far as I can tell, it’s not available for rent or purchase and only available to stream with BritBox, which I got a month’s subscription to just for this project and now excuse me while I go watch the eleventyjillion gardening-based shows that this service offices. B Available on BritBox.

Persuasion (PG, 1995)

Amanda Root, Ciarán Hinds.

This is my OG Persuasion, the one I can’t help but measure all other Persuasions against. Wikipedia says this movie appeared on TV in the U.K. and got a small theatrical release in the U.S. But I suspect it found most of its audience the way first I saw it, on VHS (ask your grandparents about ye olde video stores). Austen was having a bit of a moment in cinema — Sense and Sensibility would be released later in 1995 and the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice (or, as you may know it, “the one with Colin Firth and the wet shirt”; kids, ask your moms) aired in the U.K. in fall 1995 and on A&E in early 1996, according to Wikipedia.

Thusly, I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or some kind of imprinting or solely on the basis of the performance that Amanda Root is, for me, the just-right Anne. She isn’t a wimp but she isn’t outgoing. She’s smart and capable but she’s not some anachronistic trailblazer. Because she’s capable, she seems to get her family’s messiness plopped on her to deal with — closing up the house when the Elliots move to Bath to economize without, you know, looking like they’re economizing, and dealing with her aggrieved sister Mary (Sophie Thompson), who is always believing herself to be ill. (Is she bored with her life and illness is the only acceptable way to throw off the expected duty of a wife and mother? Or is she truly ill but society at the time sees women’s pain only as a sign of moral weakness? — Free essay ideas!)

This Wentworth (Hinds) is more of a mystery; we are definitely looking at their relationship and its effects on Anne through her eyes.

This movie might have the most malevolent-seeming group of Elliot family and associates. Whereas other Ladies Russell often seem to soften on Wentworth or at least seem to want a happy Anne more than they want to stick to their guns, this Lady Russell (Susan Fleetwood) really does not seem to budge, seeming to pressure Anne to consider the extra shady William Elliot (Samuel West). This Elizabeth (Phoebe Nicholls), Anne’s snooty older sister, is a particular sour lemon of a person.

These BBC Austens are not fast-paced laughs-a-minute but they are enjoyable adaptations, particularly if you know the books and enjoy seeing the smaller characters and details brought to life. I deeply enjoyed watching it again and, even after 27 years, I think it holds up. A Available to rent or purchase.

Rational Creatures

Kristina Pupo, Peter Giessl.

OK, technically this one isn’t a movie but a web series. The first season is available at rationalseries.wixsite.com and a second season is scheduled to drop this summer, according to the website. Here, Ana Elias (Pupo) and Fred Wentworth (Giessl) are modern twentysomethings. Ana goes to stay with her sister Marisol (Gabriela Diaz) after the travel agency owned by her father, Guillermo Elias (Armando Reyes), can no longer pay her. Ana, who seems like a sweet and gentle pleaser, isn’t sure what to do with her life now and is still thinking about her high school relationship with Fred, now a travel writer/internet personality.

Amanda Root might be the ur-Anne to me but Pupo perfectly captures the essential Anne qualities of being uncertain without being wimpy and being always predisposed to put others first without necessarily being a pushover. I found myself charmed at how the story unfolded and riffed on the source material. I am genuinely looking forward to the next season. B+ Available online.

Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (PG-13)

Benedict Cumberbatch, Elizabeth Olsen.

Also Benedict Wong and Rachel McAdams return and Xochitl Gomez joins the gang as America Chavez, which is maybe a spoiler if that name means something to you. But since this movie has been in theaters since early May (and is now available on Disney+ and VOD), you have likely had that and the selection of fun surprise cameos spoiled. I had and really that was fine — this is definitely a movie that benefits from footnotes and the additional reading that is the various Marvel, in-the-MCU TV series. I will admit that I only partially did the homework, as I gave up on Wandavision after a few episodes.

Dr. Stephen Strange (Cumberbatch) goes to Wanda/Scarlet Witch (Olsen) for advice when America shows up being chased by a giant octopus and telling stories of some evil hunting her through the multiverse to attempt to gain her multiverse-hopping powers. Because magic is somehow involved, Dr. Strange thinks Wanda may have the know-how to help him, an assumption that is correct but — well, But.

In many ways, this is another MCU movie dealing with the aftermath of the Thanos fight and the trauma of all that was lost but without the emotional punch of the two post-Endgame Spider-Man movies. In other ways, this is a Sam Raimi-directed movie with an obligatory Bruce Campbell appearance and some fun zombie business and cameos that even mostly-movie-Marvel fans can enjoy. Like, don’t worry too much or think too hard and you can just go along for the ride of sorcerer light-fights and Strange’s friendship with America, who brings some of that Peter Parker energy. B- Available on Disney+.

Spiderhead (R)

Chris Hemsworth, Miles Teller.

Also starring Jurnee Smollett and Mark Paguio, in this movie based on a George Saunders short story and I might have just told you all the most interesting things about it.

Steve Abnesti (Hemsworth) is the oiliest of oily, obviously evil and broken-as-a-person tech bros. In this case, his specific brand of evil is pharmaceuticals, which he is beta testing on prisoners who agreed to be a part of his experiments in exchange for comfy modernist accommodations and eats cooked by incarcerated chef Lizzy (Smollett). There’s the concoction that makes test subjects find everything hilarious, the drug that makes them desperately afraid, the drug that improves their ability to verbalize all their feelings, the drug that makes them super horny. For example, despite Jeff’s affection for Lizzy, when Steve puts him in a room with Heather (Tess Haubrich), who is as uninterested in Jeff as he is in her, a dosing with the love drug has them making out almost instantly. The scariest drug of them all is Darkenfloxx, a drug that makes you physically sick and seems to sink you into a kind of internal horror.

Or is that the scariest drug? What is Steve’s real motivation here? And why does his assistant Mark (Paguio) look like whatever they’re doing has caused him to already put legal representation for the inevitable Congressional hearings on speed dial?

This movie’s best aspects are its atmospherics: the creepy-beautiful facility the subjects are kept in, the general sense of tech-corporate sinisterness, the American Psycho-like way 1980s pop music is used to suggest that someone is a psychopath. These elements are lightweight fun. But the movie itself sort of meanders and feels like it loses the thread of whatever it is it wants to do. I found myself thinking (as I often have with movies like this over the past two years) that this is another middling thriller that might have once gone to theaters in the lull of September before awards movies have really taken off or in early March, as sort of half-hearted counter-programming to some family fare. And while its absence from theaters is probably a bad sign for theatrical diversity, streaming might actually be where a movie like this is better received. Its mildly enjoyable elements can be appreciated on a “what should we watch” Wednesday evening and its fizzling out can be shrugged off. C+ Available on Netflix.