The Northman (R)

The Northman (R)

Alexander Skarsgård is Viking Hamlet (as many a commentator has called him) in The Northman, directed and co-written by Robert Eggers of The Lighthouse and The Witch fame.

Recall those English class fun facts, bookworms: Amleth, the lead of this story, and his tale are the source material on which Shakespeare is said to have based Hamlet. Also, enjoy the passage of time, Gen X-ers, as you recall that Ethan Hawke once played Hamlet (in a 2000 modern-day-set adaptation that I mostly remember for the “to be or not to be” scene set in a Blockbuster). Here, 22 years later, he is grizzled old King Aurvandil, father to young Prince Amleth (Oscar Novak).

When scrappy little tween Amleth sees Aurvandil murdered by his uncle Fjölnir (Claes Bang), Aurvandil’s half-brother, and is then hunted by Fjölnir’s men, Amleth takes off vowing in Ayra-Stark-style kill-mantra that “I will avenge you father, I will rescue you mother, I will kill you Fjölnir.” In leaving behind his father’s kingdom, Amleth leaves behind his beloved mother Queen Gundrún (Nicole Kidman), whom he sees Fjölnir carry off.

Years later, big Skarsgård Amleth is a berserker Viking warrior, raiding villages in Eastern Europe for assorted plunder, including captives to be sent as slaves all over Europe. When he hears that one group is bound for Iceland, where Fjölnir now lives, he follows the advice of a blind seer (Bjork, of course) to seek Fjölnir out and fulfill his promise of vengeance. He cuts his hair and disguises himself as one of the conquered men being sent to Fjölnir. Along the way, he befriends Olga (Anya Taylor-Joy), a fellow captive who is immediately wise to his con and has some unspecified abilities of her own.

The Northman is a very visceral movie, in the sense that everything, from the often beautiful-but-bleak landscapes to the score and the character performances, is rich with vivid rage all the way down. Not just Amleth but everyone here seems to be harboring some deep hurt from some deep loss and is never peacefully existing, just biding their time until they can unleash.

This is also a visceral movie in the sense that there is a whole lot of viscera. Especially once Amleth, with help from Olga, begins his plan to terrorize Fjölnir’s household, we get not just blood but gushing gaping wounds and innards pulled out. As with The Lighthouse, Robert Eggers seems to love scenes set in a moving tableau style, with images that are as lush as they are disturbing and sometimes outright horrifying. It’s a heightened approach to a movie’s visual style that pulls the viewer out of the real world and into the magic-y, evil-everywhere world the story inhabits.

The Northman is every bit the “yanked into a wintery dark fairy tale” that the trailer promised. A

Rated R for strong bloody violence (like so strong and so bloody and so very violent), some sexual content and nudity, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Robert Eggers with a screenplay by Sjón and Robert Eggers, The Northman is two hours and 16 minutes long and distributed by Focus Features.

Everything Everywhere All At Once (R)

Michelle Yeoh is a woman struggling with her laundromat’s financial issues and her family’s communication issues and she might also be the only person who can save the multiverse from total destruction in Everything Everywhere All At Once, an action-packed, sci-fi-ish comedy-sorta about love, relationships and the nihilism of an everything bagel.

This description is only slightly more than I knew going in to this movie. If you think you’d rather know very little about this movie too and just want know if it’s worth seeing or not let’s just skip to the part where I tell you to go see this movie. Like, definitely go, even if you’re thinking “multiverses? Two-hour-plus runtime? Meh?” because it doesn’t feel like two-plus hours (fittingly, the movie both feels like it’s three hours of story and like it’s 90 minutes of well-paced storytelling) and “multiverses exist” is really all you have to really retain, in terms of universe rules, to go along with the ride.

Michelle Yeoh is excellent as a middle-aged lady who is kind of a mess but also a recognizably grown human and I heartily agree with everybody who is saying crazy things about remembering this performance during award season. Also great is Ke Huy Quan, whom most of us still probably know from his childhood performances in The Goonies and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. If I say something like “he makes his character a well-rounded person while believably selling the idea that kindness, empathy and patience are the ultimate superpowers” you might think “barf, pass” so forget I mentioned it. Know that I am going to give this movie an A and strongly suggest you find your outside clothes and make a trip to the actual theater to hang out in this world created by writers/directors Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, known as the Daniels (they directed the “Turn Down for What” video and when you watch it after seeing this movie you’ll think “yeah, that tracks”).

But if you do want a little more …

Laundromat co-owner Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh) is being audited in part for folding a lot of hobby expenses into her business, though she thinks auditor Deidre (Jamie Lee Curtis) is just a mean lady who has it in for her. (Side note: I guess I didn’t catch it during the movie so it’s just now that I learned Deidre’s last name. It’s perfect and makes me love the movie even more.)

Evelyn’s husband Waymond (Quan) is anxious to talk to her about his serious concerns about their relationship but, as he later tells her, they only seem to talk when they are in some kind of emergency, which the day is turning in to, what with the audit, a party they’re holding at the laundromat, the recent arrival of Evelyn’s difficult father, known as Gong Gong (James Hong), and Evelyn’s ongoing prickly relationship with her grown-ish daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu). Joy wants to introduce Gong Gong to her girlfriend, Becky (Tallie Medel), but Evelyn is still a nervous girl seeking her father’s approval around Gong Gong. Joy sees this lack of backbone and her mother’s criticism, both direct and implied, as part of their intense, fraught battle of wills but it feels to me like a real “gah mothers-and-daughters” situation.

Suddenly, in the middle of this, Waymond tells Evelyn that he is not her Waymond but Alpha Waymond, a Waymond from the Alphaverse, one of the many universes that is now imperiled because of an all-powerful, universe-hopping entity that Evelyn alone can defeat. An understandable “what?” is Evelyn’s reaction until she, too, starts to move among the universes, experiencing the lives of different Evelyns who made different choices (and, helpfully, bringing back with her their abilities, such as kung fu skills and superior lung capacity).

This movie is so much more surprising and goofy and heartfelt than that description can convey. I feel like every laugh hit me with unexpected delight (there is an extended bit about Ratatouille that is just … so awesomely weird) and I was equally surprised about what would suddenly catch me by the heart (a rock with googly eyes, for example). Though I tried to avoid a lot of extended coverage of this movie — no easy feat since it’s been pretty universally praised — I feel like a lot of what will hit you and stay with you has at least as much to do with you and your current life situation as the movie itself. “That is so specifically me” is a thing I can imagine lots of different people in different stages of life, thinking about this movie and one (or more) of its characters. I was struck by how the movie talked about relationships, particularly the mother-child relationship, and about how it painted them as being all about holding on and letting go — and doing both at the same time. The movie gives you this in a specific and rightly enormous way, putting the relationships on the same level as an inter-dimensional catastrophe.

And then, as you’re sitting there, awash in the big emotions of all that, maybe crying or laughing or thinking about the people in your life, a raccoon shows up as a completely absurd and not insignificant plot point.

Again, A.

Rated R for some violence, sexual material and language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, who also co-wrote the screenplay, Everything Everywhere All At Once is two hours and 19 minutes long and is distributed in theaters by A24.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (R)

Nicolas Cage is Nicolas Cage in the delightfully Cage-ian blend of action, comedy and absurdity that is The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.

Nicolas Cage, or at least a Nicolas Cage, is an actor, beloved for The Rock and Con Air and what have you, but now looking for his way back to movie stardom, not that he ever went anywhere (as he’s always quick to clarify). His struggles between wanting Serious Actor Roles and wanting to be a Freakin’ Movie Star, as personified by Nicky, a smooth-of-skin, smooth-of-brain younger Cage-ier version of himself that older Nick sometimes talks to, have him all twisted up in existential angst knots. Also, the extremely large hotel bill he’s accumulated since his separation from wife Olivia (Sharon Horgan) makes the need to keep working not just an artistic one but a serious financial one.

When he doesn’t get a much-longed-for part, he unravels, embarrassing his teenage daughter Addy (Lily Sheen) at her birthday party and finding himself locked out of his hotel room. Reluctantly, he agrees to do the job brought to him by his agent Richard (Neil Patrick Harris), to be essentially birthday party entertainment for rich Spanish guy Javi (Pedro Pascal) at his mansion in Mallorca.

Javi is a Nick Cage superfan — and, Cage is relieved to learn, Javi’s secret isn’t that he wants Cage to do anything weird but that he wants him to read (and maybe star in?) the screenplay Javi wrote. Cage finds himself having fun hanging out with Javi — but then the visit takes a very Nicholas Cage movie turn.

Javi had been under surveillance by some U.S. government intelligence agents looking to bring down not just Javi but also a secretive high-level mob figure. When it’s Cage and not the mafioso who comes out of Javi’s private plane, CIA agents Vivian (Tiffany Haddish) and Martin (Ike Barinholtz) decide to follow Cage and eventually ask him to help them spy on Javi. They believe that Javi is actually an international criminal himself and is behind the recent kidnapping of a Catalonian politician’s daughter. Thus begins the, like, triple meta swirl of Nicolas Cage’s Nicolas Cage performance performance as the movie’s Cage is trying to figure out his career, his family and what to make of this odd new friendship with Javi while he also engages in spycraft.

I don’t know if Nicolas Cage here is actually the most game actor ever but he is super game in how inside the whole Nicolas Cage late-career icon status thing he is willing to go. It’s delightful to see someone have so much goofy fun with his own persona. At several points, “Nicolas Cage” and Javi are basically playing Nicolas Cage movie, the way kids back in the day might “play Star Wars,” and both actors are able to do this with an earnest wholeheartedness without winking at the screen. It’s giddy without being too silly, it’s fun without making fun.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent both is the unapologetic actor vehicle that it appears to be and is so much more charming and joyful than that. A-

Rated R for language throughout, some sexual references, drug use and violence, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Tom Gormican and written by Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is an hour and 47 minutes long and distributed in theaters by Lionsgate.

The Bad Guys (PG)

An Ocean’s 11-like team of animals with reputations for trouble consider leaving behind their lives of crime in The Bad Guys, a cute if chatty animated heist movie based on the children’s books.

Wolf (voice of Sam Rockwell) and Snake (voice of Marc Maron) are very much the George Clooney and Brad Pitt of this crew; we first meet them relaxedly exchanging patter in a diner — where scared patrons are plastered against the wall — before heading out to rob a nearby bank. They’re joined by their crew — Shark (voice of Craig Robinson), Tarantula (voice of Awkwafina) and Piranha (voice of Anthony Ramos) — and execute a pretty good getaway. But later, the fox governor Diane Foxington (voice of Zazie Beetz) pooh-poohs the crew’s abilities and hypes the upcoming Good Samaritan Golden Dolphin award.

Wolf takes this as a personal challenge and decides the crew should steal the Golden Dolphin, which they do — almost. They’re caught and on their way to jail when Professor Marmalade (voice of Richard Ayoade), a guinea pig who is the winner of the Good Samaritan award, offers to make it his mission to rehabilitate the animals. Wolf decides that “turning good” makes the perfect cover for a future con, and Snake, who is particularly partial to guinea pig as a cuisine, and the crew go along. But Wolf also finds himself occasionally feeling good when he’s told that he has done good. If he and his crew of scary animals really do walk the straight and narrow, will they be able to get others to see beyond the stereotype?

The movie has a bouncy Ocean’s-for-kids vibe, with jokiness that, at least for kids who can appreciate talkier humor, keeps the story feeling upbeat even when characters are in conflict. Sure, if you’re looking for some “good for you” elements, the movie lightly touches on the idea of caring for others and not judging people by their appearance, but to me these elements all felt thinner than the movie seemed to think they were. B

Rated PG for action and rude humor, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Pierre Perifel with a screenplay by Etan Cohen (based on the books by Aaron Blabey), The Bad Guys is an hour and 40 minutes long and distributed by Universal Studios.

Featured photo: The Northman.

Kiddie Pool 22/04/28

Family fun for the weekend

Family chickens

Learn all about the care and keeping of backyard chickens at the Beaver Brook Association’s Maple Hill Farm (117 Ridge Road in Hollis; beaverbrook.org, 465-7787) on Friday, April 29, from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. The cost is $25 per person (children are free but need to be registered in advance).

When the chicken class is done, stay for a hike. Find hiking trail maps and a guide to early spring flowers on the Association’s website.

Take them out to the ball game

The New Hampshire Fisher Cats continue their run of home games at Northeast Delta Dental Stadium in downtown Manchester against the Reading Fightin’ Phils through Sunday, May 1. Games through Saturday, April 30, start at 6:30 p.m.; the Sunday, May 1, game starts at 1:35 p.m. See milb.com/new-hampshire for tickets and the lineup of promotions such as the pop-it giveaway (Friday, April 29) and Princesses at the Park (on Sunday, May 1).

Kids on stage

The Palace Youth Theatre presents its production of 101 Dalmatians Kids on Saturday, April 30, at 11 a.m. at the Palace Theatre (80 Hanover St. in Manchester; palacetheatre.org). Tickets cost $15 for adults, $12 for kids.

A week of storytimes

Bookery Manchester (844 Elm St. in downtown Manchester; bookerymht.com) finishes up its vacation week schedule of daily storytimes. Register online; storytimes are free, crafts cost $10. On Thursday, April 28, at 10 a.m. the story will be Ada and the Galaxies and the craft will be a galaxy jar. On Friday, April 29, at 10 a.m. the storytime will focus on Ralph Baer, the Manchester-based father of video games, with the book The Boy Who Thought Outside the Box.

Vacation days outings

Squam Lakes Natural Science Center (23 Science Center Road in Holderness; nhnature.org, 968-7194) opens its public trails season on Sunday, May 1, with regular daily hours from 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. (last trail admission at 3:30 p.m.). The three-quarters of a mile live animal exhibit trail features coyote, fisher, foxes, bobcats, black bear, river otters, deer, owls, raptors and more, according to the press release, which recommends planning a two-and-a-half-hour visit to walk the trail, which winds through meadows, forests and march boardwalks. Admission costs $22 for adults, $20 for ages 65+, $16 for ages 3 to 15 and is free for children 2 and under.

• The Aviation Museum of New Hampshire (27 Navigator Road in Londonderry; aviationmuseumofnh.org) is regularly open Fridays and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Sundays from 1 to 4 p.m. This week the museum will also be open Thursday, April 28, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Admission costs $10 for 13 and over and $5 for 65+, children ages 6 to 12 and active military and veterans. Children 5 and under get in free and the family maximum is $30.

• The Currier Museum of Art (150 Ash St. in Manchester; currier.org) is open Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Fridays through Sundays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. On Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m., admission is free as part of the Art After Work programming, when the museum features live music, tours and live music: This week, Old Tom and the Lookouts is slated to perform on April 28. Otherwise, admission costs $15 for adults, $13 for 65+, $10 for students and $5 for ages 13 to 17 (children under 13 get in free).

• The Children’s Museum of New Hampshire (2 Washington St. in Dover; childrens-museum.org, 742-2002) is open Tuesdays through Sundays, with sessions from 9 a.m. to noon all six days as well as from 1 to 4 p.m. Wednesdays through Saturdays. Admission costs $11 per person, $9 for 65+ (no charge for children under 1). (The museum has mask-required and mask-optional sessions; see the website for details.)

This week’s lineup of activities includes World Culture Thursday, when the museum features a craft or other activity celebrating a different culture around the world. On Science Fridays, kids can participate in messy experiments and activities that demonstrate a scientific concept, according to the website. These programs are part of regular admission. As of April 25, there was still availability for the 2 p.m. programs.

• The SEE Science Center (200 Bedford St. in Manchester; see-sciencecenter.org, 669-0400) is open Tuesdays through Fridays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Saturdays and Sundays, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Purchase reservations in advance via the website (masks are required for all visitors age 2 and up); admission costs $10 per person ages 3 and up.

The McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center (2 Institute Drive in Concord; starhop.com, 271-7827) is open daily through Sunday, May 1, from 10:30 a.m. through 4 p.m. There will be four planetarium shows daily, according to the website, which recommends purchasing timed tickets in advance. Admission costs $11.50 for adults, $10.50 for students and seniors and $8.50 for kids ages 3 to 12 (admission is free for children 2 and under; masks required for visitors over the age of 2). Planetarium show tickets cost $5 per person (free for children 2 and under); see the website for the schedule of planetarium shows and for the mask requirements by day.

Save the date: for Dad

The Educational Farm at Joppa Hill (174 Joppa Hill Road in Bedford; theeducationalfarm.org) is holding a Dad & Me Expedition on Saturday, June 18, with start times at 9 a.m., 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. Meet at the farm stand and enjoy an all-ages-friendly walk in the woods, according to the website. The cost is $18 per family.

Kiddie Pool 22/04/21

Family fun for the weekend

For the littles

• The Nashua Public Library and the Greater Nashua Smart Start Coalition are holding an Early Childhood Fair on Saturday, April 23, from 10 a.m. to noon, at Greeley Park on Concord Street in Nashua. The day will include a performance by children’s musician Mr. Aaron, storytelling by Uncle Bobby, storytimes with Nashua area libraries and representatives from local agencies with resources for kids (such as Beaver Brook Association, NH Hunger Solutions, Constellations Behavioral Health Services, area libraries, Little Pilgrim School, UNH Cooperative Extension: Nutrition Connections and more), according to a press release. Contact the library at 603-589-4631 or [email protected] for more information.

A week of storytimes

Bookery Manchester (844 Elm St. in downtown Manchester; bookerymht.com) has multiple storytimes in the upcoming week, starting with a reading of Lobstah Gahden: Speaking Out Against Pollution with a Wicked Awesome Boston Accent! by Alli Brydon and illustrated by EG Keller on Saturday, April 23, at 11:30 a.m. This special Earth Day storytime will also include a recycled water bottle lobster craft. On Monday, April 25, at 10 a.m. the book will be Just Be Jelly and the craft will be a jellyfish. On Wednesday, April 27, the 10 a.m. storytime will feature Eddy the Manchester Police Department’s comfort pony. On Thursday, April 28, at 10 a.m., the story will be Ada and the Galaxies and the craft will be a galaxy jar. On Friday, April 29, at 10 a.m. the storytime will focus on Ralph Baer, the Manchester-based father of video games. And be sure to save the date for Saturday, April 30, which is Independent Bookstore Day.

See the show

• As of April 18, tickets are still available to Peppa Pig’s Adventure, a live show based on the popular cartoon, at the Capitol Center for the Arts (44 S. Main St. in Concord; ccanh.com) on Friday, April 22, at 6 p.m. Doors open at 5 p.m. Tickets cost $39 through $59; a $50 VIP add-on gets you a post-show photo experience.

And speaking of beloved characters: Dog Man: The Musical, based on the comics of George and Harold (in the books by Dav Pilkey), a live musical about the titular hero, will come to the Cap Center on Saturday, May 14, with shows at 1 and 3 p.m. Tickets cost $15 per person or you can get a family four-pack for $50.

Museum outing

Looking for an activity during April vacation? Here are the operating hours of area museums.

• The Currier Museum of Art (150 Ash St. in Manchester; currier.org) is open Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Fridays through Sundays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. On Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m., admission is free as part of the Art After Work programming, when the museum features live music, tours and more (Kevin Horan is slated to perform on Thursday, April 21, and Old Tom and the Lookouts is scheduled for April 28). Otherwise, admission costs $15 for adults, $13 for 65+, $10 for students and $5 for ages 13 to 17 (children under 13 get in free).

• The Aviation Museum of New Hampshire (27 Navigator Road in Londonderry; aviationmuseumofnh.org) is regularly open Fridays and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Sundays from 1 to 4 p.m. For vacation week, the museum will also be open Thursday, April 28, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Admission costs $10 for 13 and over and $5 for 65+, children ages 6 to 12 and active military and veterans. Children 5 and under get in free and the family maximum is $30.

• The Children’s Museum of New Hampshire (2 Washington St. in Dover; childrens-museum.org, 742-2002) is open Tuesdays through Sundays, with sessions from 9 a.m. to noon all six days as well as from 1 to 4 p.m. Wednesdays through Saturdays. Admission costs $11 per person, $9 for 65+ (no charge for children under 1). (The museum has mask-required and mask-optional sessions; see the website for details.)

The museum will celebrate Earth Day — Friday, April 22 — with special craft activities, a scavenger hunt, a Science Friday project to make a mini window greenhouse (at 10 a.m. or 2 p.m.), a project to plant a flower to take home (at 11 a.m. or 3 p.m.) and more.

And little makers may want to save the date now for a Fairy House and Gnome Home Spring Celebration in May. On Saturday, May 7, learn to make a fairy house at a child and adult workshop (the cost is $20 for one pair plus $5 per additional child). On Friday, May 13, bring a homemade fairy house or gnome home to drop off at the museum (or attend the museum to make one there) and then have them added to a display of fairy houses and gnome homes in Henry Law Park and the museum Play Patio. Kids can make houses on-site throughout the weekend, when the museum will host special performances and activities.

• Though normally closed on Mondays, the SEE Science Center (200 Bedford St. in Manchester; see-sciencecenter.org, 669-0400) will be open Monday, April 25, as well as Tuesdays through Fridays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Saturdays and Sundays, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Purchase reservations in advance via the website (masks are required for all visitors age 2 and up); admission costs $10 per person ages 3 and up.

The McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center (2 Institute Drive in Concord; starhop.com, 271-7827) is open daily through Sunday, May 1, from 10:30 a.m. through 4 p.m. There will be four planetarium shows daily, according to the website, which recommends purchasing timed tickets in advance. Admission costs $11.50 for adults, $10.50 for students and seniors and $8.50 for kids ages 3 to 12 (admission is free for children 2 and under; masks required for visitors over the age of 2). Planetarium show tickets cost $5 per person (free for children 2 and under); see the website for the schedule of planetarium shows and for the mask requirements by day.

Ambulance (R)

Ambulance (R)

Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Bay slo-mo star in Ambulance, a two-hour-and-16-minute version of, like, a 9-1-1 episode.

Or 9-1-1: Lone Star. Or Station 19, which I’ve seen about 12 minutes of but I feel like I pretty much get the show — pretty people do rescues and somebody wears their hair down in a situation during which any normal lady would have secured her hair in at least a ponytail but probably a bun.

Which is to say, even though her very minimalist use of a hair claw clip is a plot point, I couldn’t help spending a lot of this movie thinking about how Los Angeles EMT Cam (Eiza González) really needed someone to give her two scrunchies and a handful of bobby pins if she’s going to be expected to get stuff done.

This movie spends unnecessary time setting up the backstories of Cam and her new partner Scott (Colin Woodell), young police officers Zach (Jackson White) and Mark (Cedric Sanders), police bank robbery division head Captain Monroe (Garret Dillahunt) and FBI bank robbery head Anson Clark (Keir O’Donnell). We see everyone mull around their day before they get to the figurative fireworks factory that is the bank robbery that sets off the action in this movie.

Brothers Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) and Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal) Sharp have a loving but friction-y relationship due to their upbringing and the father who drew them into a life of crime. Will got out, became a decorated Marine and has a wife and a young child. Danny is still engaged in shadiness, though he constantly claims he’s not like their violent father and robbing banks is his job, which he performs with professionalism and without hurting people.

Will’s wife, Amy (Moses Ingram), would like Will to have nothing to do with Danny but she’s also fighting an aggressive cancer and her only hope is a treatment that their insurance won’t cover. Will goes to Danny to ask for a loan to pay for the surgery but instead finds himself at that moment told to suit up to participate in a bank robbery. He reluctantly goes along with what is supposed to be a sure thing, all-set-up robbery with a huge payday.

Naturally, stuff goes wrong.

Zach, who showed up at the bank mainly to flirt with one of the tellers, is taken hostage. The truck meant to transport Danny’s crew post-robbery gets stuck near Mark, who then realizes what’s happened in the bank. The situation quickly becomes a shoot-out, with Mark joined in firing at the robbers by other police officers under the command of Captain Monroe who had been watching the bank and didn’t intervene at first because they wanted to catch the robbers after they left.

Eventually, Danny’s men are struck down, their means of escape is blocked and he and Will are stuck in a parking garage. They decide their only way out is to hijack the ambulance that’s come to rescue Zach, whom Will accidentally shot during a scuffle between Zach and Danny.

Will, Danny, Cam and the severely wounded Zach manage to get away from the scene but are soon being chased across Los Angeles as Cam tries to save Zach and Will and Danny try to figure a way out of their situation.

This movie is at its best when it’s not setting up these characters’ personalities and backstories and just literally cutting to the ambulance chase, all intercut scenes of car crashes and Cam doing battlefield triage. It’s not good but it’s engaging and watchable, sort of in the way you can sometimes eat a fast food fried chicken sandwich and know that you’re eating something “not good,” not even all that tasty, but also still find it momentarily satisfying. The attempts by the movie to make us care about certain characters also feel strangely uneven because it’s Gyllenhaal who is giving the most compelling performance (kind of a good-natured sociopath whom I enjoyed watching even if I didn’t really for a minute care about him) while Cam and Will are the people the movie wants us to empathize with. I found myself character-wise most interested in random police lady Dzaghig (Olivia Stambouliah) and her banter with Monroe, a character who feels like he’s given too big a helping of personality before he’s sort of shrugged off in the movie’s final third.

Despite all of this and the at least 35 unnecessary minutes of padding that help to push this movie past the two-hour mark, Ambulance wasn’t a bad watch. It keeps you right there with the in-the-second action, it has some plot fun with its cops and robbers pursuit and it makes very little sense if you stop to think about any element of it but it all works well enough as you’re watching the chase go from freeway to side street to paved river bed that you feel entertained enough to continue the ride. B-

Rated R for intense violence, bloody images (like, seriously bloody, in-moving-vehicle surgery-type bloody) and language throughout, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Michael Bay with a screenplay by Chris Fedak (based on a movie called Ambulancen), Ambulance is two hours and 16 minutes long and distributed by Universal Studios.

Featured photo: Ambulance.

Kiddie Pool 22/04/14

Family fun for the weekend

Easter fun

• Charmingfare Farm (774 High St. in Candia; visitthefarm.com, 483-5623) will host its Egg-Citing Egg Hunt this Saturday, April 16. Sign up for a time between 10 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. for a hunt for a dozen chocolate-filled eggs, a horse-drawn or tractor ride, a visit to the barn decorated specially for Easter, a visit with the animals (including spring baby animals) and a visit with the Easter Bunny, according to the website. Tickets cost $22 per person.

• New England Vendor Events is holding an Easter Family Fun Day on Saturday, April 16, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the VFW at 15 Bockes Road in Hudson. Tickets cost $1 (plus fees) to reserve a spot for a specific egg hunt time. The event will also have music, food, vendors and more. See eventbrite.com/e/4th-annual-easter-family-fun-day-in-hudson-tickets-248074586767.

• The Saturday, April 16, storytime at the Bookery Manchester (844 Elm St. in downtown Manchester; bookerymht.com) will feature the bookThe Easter Egg by Jan Brett. After the story, kids can participate in a craft making paper Easter eggs with tape and wet chalk.

• The Hudson Mall will host an Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday, April 16, with egg hunt times at 10 a.m., 11 a.m. and noon.

• On Saturday, April 16, Our Promise to Nicholas Foundation will hold an indoor maze to an egg hunt and the Easter Bunny at the NH Sportsplex (68 Technology Dr. in Bedford; ourpromisetonicholas.com) from 8:30 a.m. to noon. Hop along a bunny trail to play games, do a bunny craft and more and then head to the egg hunt field at a specific “egg hunt time” and take photos with the Easter Bunny (as well as other mascots and characters), according to the website. Tickets cost $8 per person; family tickets are also available through Friday, April 15, at 6 p.m. Tickets at the door cost $10 per person.

Chicks!

Kids can make Chicken Clucker crafts at Goffstown Hardware (5 Depot St in Goffstown; goffstownhardware.com) on Saturday, April 16, from 10 a.m. to noon. The event is free.

Movies for all

• Chunky’s Cinema Pub (707 Huse Road, Manchester; 151 Coliseum Ave., Nashua; 150 Bridge St., Pelham, chunkys.com) will hold a sensory-friendly screening of Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (PG) on Friday, April 14, at 4 p.m. At sensory-friendly screenings, the volume is down, the lights are up and moving around is allowed, according to the website. Tickets cost $5.99.

Trout for kids

• The Basil W. Woods Jr. Chapter of Trout Unlimited will sponsor a Youth Fishing Day at Merrill Park on Eastman Street in Concord on Saturday, April 16, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Admission is free and kids under 16 years old can fish in a stocked trout pond with tackle and bait provided. The event will include refreshments, fly casting instruction and fly tying demonstrations, according to a press release.

Save the date: for Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig’s Adventure, a live show based on the popular cartoon, will come to Capitol Center for the Arts (44 S. Main St. in Concord; ccanh.com) on Friday, April 22, at 6 p.m. Doors open at 5 p.m. Tickets cost $39 through $59; a $50 VIP add-on gets you a post-show photo experience.

Save the date: for mom

• The Educational Farm at Joppa Hill (174 Joppa Hill Road in Bedford; theeducationalfarm.org) is holding a Mom & Me Spring Hike on Saturday, May 7, with time slots at 9 a.m., 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. for a hike around the farm. The cost is $18 per family; go online to reserve a spot.

Save the date: for summer theater

Tickets are on sale now for the eight productions of the Children’s Summer Series at the Palace Theatre (80 Hanover St. in Manchester; palacetheatre.org, 668-5588) starting July 5 and running through Aug. 26. The series starts with the BJ Hickman Magic Show and wraps up with a presentation of Frozen Kids. The shows run Tuesdays though Fridays at 10 a.m. and Tuesdays through Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. The shows are younger audience-friendly. Tickets cost $10.

Morbius (PG-13)

Morbius (PG-13)

A genius scientist who is slowly dying from a genetic disorder accidentally turns himself into a vampire in the Marvel-comics-based Morbius, which feels like “what if Venom but thoroughly charmless.”

This is the Sony wing of the Marvel universe, not the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but, as end-credit scenes remind us, those universes are now in conversation with each other. Which is my way of saying stay for the end-credit scenes, I guess, if you’re into this enough to see it in a theater.

Renowned scientist Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) creates a serum from vampire bat DNA to combat a genetic disease that has left him and his lifelong best friend Lucien (Matt Smith), whom he affectionately calls Milo, weak, in constant pain and in daily need of blood transfusions. Using himself as a human trial, Michael does see physical improvements to his disease — suddenly becoming ripped seems to play a big part in gaining superpowers — but only after he has a little flip-out session where he drains the blood from all the crewmembers on the boat where he had been running his experiments. The only survivor from the boat is Michael’s longtime friend and professional partner Dr. Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona).

Yes, she is a love interest; no, the characters don’t have any real chemistry. But then nobody really has any chemistry with anybody in this movie, so this isn’t just a case of another comic book movie not knowing how to do romance.

As the movie reassures us a couple of times, the guys on the boat were all jerky mercenary types, who cares about them. But then Good People start being exsanguinated and investigators, Agents Stroud (Tyrese Gibson) and Rodriguez (Al Madrigal), are on the hunt for Morbius, who is himself desperate to find out how to either reverse or control the more kill-y parts of his “cure.”

For Lucien, however, becoming a bloodthirsty vampire is a fair trade for getting abs and being able to walk without crutches. Since he has bankrolled Morbius’ experiments, he feels he’s owed some vampire juice and injects himself in spite of Morbius’ warnings because of course he does. Though Morbius doesn’t totally hate his new powers, he tends to think of his new state mostly as a curse that he is willing to die to lift. But he also realizes he is the only person who can control his old friend who plans to have way more “fun” with his superstrength and vampire qualities.

The movie also drags Jared Harris into this mess as an older mentor to both men, but kind of forgets to do anything useful with him. I feel like that approach to this one character sort of typifies the movie overall; this movie has the basics of its form (genius with a sad backstory, long simmer not-quite-romance, new Great Powers he has to learn to use with Great Responsibility, opponent who uses the same powers for the Wrong Reasons, etc.) but Morbius has absolutely no novelty or liveliness to it. This movie is filled with so much bat imagery and booming bass score you think you’re in some kind of knock-off Batman. But it isn’t actually dark, tonally, for as darkly lit as it is and how dark and moody it thinks it is. It also isn’t the bouncy MCU or the Deadpool-ish, er, Deadpool movies or the goofy but watchable mess that is Venom. It just flaps about, so much gasping cartoon fish on a dock — so, like, without even the pathos that would be involved if we believed it was a real live fish.

Leto in Emo Jesus cosplay is just not a compelling character, not as a villain, not as a hero/dark hero/anti-hero whatever he’s supposed to be. Matt Smith is never not distractingly goofy. Arjona’s Martine doesn’t really get more personality depth than “girl character.”

Much like with Venom, Morbius and its canon are beyond the fringes of my Marvel knowledge and so I went in with zero expectations. But somehow it was still a letdown. C- I guess, but I could probably be convinced into D territory….

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, some frightening images and brief strong language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Daniel Espinosa with a screenplay by Matt Sazama & Burk Sharpless, Morbius is an hour and 44 minutes long and distributed by Columbia.

Featured photo: Morbius.

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