Author: Eric Saeger

Frank Sonic & L-Ex, “Talamanca Beach, Ming (Ger) Remix” (Amber Blue Recordings)

As if I don’t mention it every other month, I’m always up for some velvet-rope techno, especially Above & Beyond-style trance, in other words “trance that’s actually too slow to be properly considered ‘trance’ but whatever.” That’s Frank Sonic’s trip, at least on this track, which isn’t a chest-thumping floor-stomper, more one of those countless odes to the crazily decadent island of Ibiza, in this case a specific beach that struck his fancy when he visited on tour. No, Sonic isn’t in the same class as Tiesto or any of those DJs with “Van” in their name, at least here in the States. But he’s been a fixture in Germany for 20 years, and stuff like this would do just fine for me if the right club ever opened up in these parts. The tune builds and swirls and dive bombs like an overly confident seagull, hitting on the right vibe to remind us that travel sure was a fun thing back before the plague hit, you know? A

Trillionaire, Romulus (Nefarious Industries Records)

I hesitate to dub this band a supergroup, but it does have all the markings of some sort of mutant hard-rock Toto, being that it brings together a bunch of guys who’ve been through the ringer for a collective period of many decades. If you’re hip to bands like Inter Arma, Fuligin, A F—ing Elephant and such, you may have been exposed to parts of this whole, which reads like a tech-savvy (in a Linkin Park sense) version of Metallica (in a the-singer-sounds-like-Hetfield sense). No, it’s not a lot like Tool, so get that out of your head before you decide prematurely to bail on this, and besides, I can’t stand Tool. No, it’s like if Mastodon had gone in a near-emo direction, but no, it’s not emo either. The riffing is sharper than a paper cut, befitting a band that’s been together a really long time, but they haven’t. The tracks were passed around from and recorded in Boston, Seattle, Richmond and Nashville, thus it’s a Covid baby, and quite the great one, in fact. A

Retro Playlist

Weird coincidence, but if you noticed my talking about the Cheatahs in the weekly rundown, here they are again, coming up in a search for old stuff I haven’t talked about in a dog’s age. Their 2013 album Extended Plays was actually a rollup of the band’s earliest EPs, showcasing the initial volleys in the British indie-shoegaze-pop foursome’s attempts to take over the world. That hasn’t happened, to date, and they’re way overdue for a new album these days; their second LP, Mythologies, came out in 2015. With regard to my first exposure to them, I described them as “Foo Fighters on Drive Like Jehu’s budget, but it’s beyond that; these guys are fantastic riff-writers, as heard in album opener “The Swan”, which rides one hellaciously awesome guitar line for most of the tune and then stops to riff something even more cool, after a Sabbath-y Foo Fighters-ish fashion.” As for the last album, it rated a 73 on Metacritic’s aggregate score, meaning they were considered pretty freaking good. To be honest, it wasn’t until I was today years old that I finally caught up with Mythologies, or at least some quick samples thereof; it’s a bit more formulaic than their older stuff but still worth a stream if you’d be down with clean, blissy, over-reverb-ed shoegaze sung by a dude who’s trying to nick Simple Minds (who wouldn’t?).

Not so awesome was Buckcherry’s Confessions album, which I reviewed that same week in 2013. They were doomed in my eyes from the start anyway; I don’t trust throwback hard-rock bands that can’t come up with riffs to save their lives, and these L.A.-based imbeciles were lucky I didn’t throw the book at ’em and give them an F grade for being “very much like 3 Doors Down if that band had been exposed to too much Papa Roach.” Did it help that the singer, Whatsisname, ripped off Staind’s stupid sourball inflection? No, it did not.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• Jan. 15 arrives this week, on a Friday, which can only mean one thing: New albums will be arriving in the Pandoras and whatever, to soothe your aesthetic sensibilities and of course make you wish good music were coming out instead! Take for example Suckapunch, the seventh album from English pop-punk/post-hardcore (could we possibly dispense with all the superficial, superfluous genre-labeling this year and just call all this stuff “emo” whether the band likes it or not?) band You Me At Six! They are certainly likeable enough for what they do; they sound sort of like Fall Out Boy, but with nothing new to add, so you might like them, I have no idea whatsoever. I could have sworn I’d written these guys up before, but maybe I didn’t, who cares, like, I thought they were a tiresome hipster-indie band until I went back and listened to their biggest songs, which were like Fall Out Boy. Whatever, and then I checked to see if some WWE wrestling dude had used one of their songs as an “entrance theme,” you know, the sophisticated part where the wrestler runs out of the arena tunnel and starts barking at the moon and throwing chairs at the referee. Anyway, the title track is actually OK, like a cross between Coldplay and Linkin Park (please don’t pretend you couldn’t possibly imagine what that would sound like, seriously, I beg you), even if the video is just a trope-dump of sci-fi nonsense, like first there’s a random Darth Maul dude, and then they get unplugged from their Matrix brain implants, blah blah blah. You might like it, like I said. I do not know.

• Hmm, let’s see what else is here. Wait, guys, this looks interesting, some British indie band called Shame, with their second album, Drunk Tank Pink, this might actually be cool, because NME takes them seriously. Yep, on their first album, Songs Of Praise, they were sort of like a drunk version of Elbow that was trying to sound a bit like the Hives, like a mutant strain of oi-indie. The new single, “Water in the Well,” is like old Madchester yell-pop, a lot cooler than Gang Of Four (is that OK to infer, or am I risking my critic’s license?). I like these guys and would be most keen on joining them if they ever assemble a flash mob with the intent of invading a big electronics store and throwing golf balls at everything that looks expensive.

• Midnight Sister, you say? Never heard of them? Hmm, neither has Wikipedia. Eh, maybe it’s cool, given that their record label is Jagjaguwar Records, which has sent me good records in the past, or am I thinking of the Cheatahs? I swear, my brain is like an episode of Hoarders, except everything in my packed-to-the-ceiling guest room is nothing but boxes of bad, redundant albums without any redeeming artistic qualities. Meanwhile, this new album, Painting The Roses, has a new single, called “Foxes,” a cabaret-rock tune that’s sort of like 1970s Electric Light Orchestra. I don’t hate it, does that help any?

• Wrapping up, let’s look at “Mork & Mindy,” the new single from Spare Ribs, the latest LP from Sleaford Mods! OK, it’s awesome, like imagine a brain-damaged Cockney “punter” rapping gently over a wicked cool EDM chill beat. No, I’m serious, this is cool, in its way!

Laraaji, Moon Piano (self-released)

In news from the weird, we present this New York pianist, an 80-year-old cult artist whose forte is sparse ambiance for New Agers who’d like their brains to kindly stop for a second. Apparently the big sell is that these slow, deserted improv pieces were recorded in a Brooklyn church, but quite honestly, that’s an effect that could have come by way of a few decent knob twists on the part of an engineer, not to harsh anyone’s mellow about it, particularly if you love whatever he’s done before. I mean, a well-played acoustic piano is a sound to behold; my parents were both M.A. graduate pianists of New England Conservatory, so I was spoiled absolutely rotten in that regard, and therein lies my rub: This is, in the end, a one-man jam session focused on careful, reflective non-songs, largely minor key experimentations comprising various series of notes that will appeal to not overly cultured art-freaks. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but for me, regardless of this guy’s training/pedigree/whatever, it’s non-eventful. B

Hunter, 1960 (self-released)

Hunter Stamas is a Portsmouth-by-way-of-Nashua singer who’s led her band through a few albums now, this one being the latest. It’s stunningly polite, this stuff, heavy on the guitar jangle, squeaky clean vocal tracks that could certainly amaze young YouTube addicts and the fedora-hatted denizens of your favorite bars and eateries (opening soon, I hope, dear God). To dispense with the vulgarities, the production values are decent (a lot more pro-sounding than most of the local material that gets flopped onto this desk) and the songs generally stick to a specific formula (ditto), making it something of a contender you might place in your SoundCloud queue between the first Miley Cyrus album and basically anything by Bonnie Raitt. I know that might sound a bit weird, but from my seat it’s not unusual at all; Stamas is a commercial-oriented songwriter who’s come close here; there’s a ’60s Yardbirds/girl-group vibe at work that’s actually pretty unique. B+

Retro Playlist

Jazz comes in all sorts of flavors, not that you’re required to know even that much about the genre if you’re a budding newbie aficionado of it. Sometimes jazz guys will throw different genres into their recipe, as I discussed six years ago, in January 2015, when I wrote about Three Rivers, an LP from Richie Goods and Nuclear Fusion. A Pittsburgh Jazz Hall of Fame bass player, Goods has toured with Whitney Houston and Christina Aguilera, which speaks to a pedigree he earned after studying under legendary Blue Note Records legend Ron Carter in New York. With regard to his own (original) stuff, I’d anticipated mellow-ish fusion a la Spyro Gyra, but it was really more a modernized Return to Forever, although in some cases not so modernized when considering the outright hard rock workouts found in such tunes as the title track. There’s definitely a heavy influence afoot here; album opener “Soul Glow” has, as I put it back then, “a suspended-animation riff that proves he can restrain himself from going all-out Pelican-metal, but the desire is there,” as indicated by every plonk of his Rickenbacker, not to mention the grungy sounds of guitarist Ben Butler, “a real treasure who punches up every guitar sound from Al di Meola to Blue Oyster Cult on that one track alone.”

Speaking of Ron Carter, he released a full-length on Blue Note Records in 2007, Dear Miles, which was discussed in this space. With a resume packed with guest spots on – get this – over 3,500 albums, Carter had more than earned the right to rely on his past association with Miles Davis, who kept Carter on for most of his 1960s output. It was harmonically uncomplicated, I noted: “With Roger Squitero on board strictly to fortify percussion, the only harmonic instrument within this outing’s four-piece framework is the piano of Stephen Scott, who is kept crazy-busy with the job of re-creating various Miles Davis grooves for this sort-of-tribute LP (ex: in order to shrink the big band sound of ‘Gone’ from the Evans/Miles Porgy & Bess collaboration into these confines, Scott takes on the horn parts).”

Obviously a great one for wonks of both Miles and bass in general.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• Way kool, everything’s back to normal, with plenty of new albums coming out on Jan. 8! Or so I thought, it doesn’t really look like a ton of stuff, but at least there’s something, starting with the new album from Barry Gibb, called Greenfields! Gibb is, of course, one of the founders of that old disco band The Bee Gees. He was the pretty-handsome one who looked like God’s idea of a male Farrah Fawcett, but now, guess what, he looks like a trucker who’d beat you up for driving a sissy electric car. But that’s what happens to all of us, like one time years ago, my boy-ees and I were walking around near the Worcester Centrum, and these three girls came up to me and insisted I was Michael Hutchence from INXS, and it took forever to convince ‘em otherwise, up to and including my refusal to speak in an Australian accent, but nowadays … well, never you mind about nowadays, and that’s what happens, so don’t get old, I’m serious. Oh whatever, we’re supposed to be talking about this old disco has-been, who became a “knight” in England, like, can you imagine if 10-foot-tall alien monsters landed here and demanded to fight our planet’s “knights,” so we had to trot out Paul McCartney, Elton John and this dude? We’d be doomed, just like this album’s lead single, “Words Of A Fool,” is doomed to be mistaken for a Matthew McConaughey cover of a Willie Nelson song. It sucks, let’s move on.

• Swedish post-punk ruffians Viagra Boys release their second LP, Welfare Jazz, any minute now. The single “Ain’t Nice” is terrific, a grungy, messy soundsystem thing that krazy-glues Chainsmokers to Big Black. It’s awesome.

• British folk-rock dude and former busker Michael Rosenberg goes by the stage name Passenger because he knows that no hipster kids would buy an album by someone with a ridiculous name like Michael Rosenberg, you know? I wonder how long the person-who-goes-by-a-band-name trend will continue, don’t you? If it does continue for much longer, I hope these “bands” will start thinking of cool “band names,” like if I were going to use a band name as my own name, I’d probably call myself, er, I mean my band, something like Tell Grandma It’s Polka And Watch Her Epic Reaction When The Crazy Kicks In. Cool, huh? Oh, I don’t care if you think that, and besides, that Van Halen tribute band I talked about forming a few weeks ago never materialized, so no bands for me, just writing in this latest column about this one-dude-band here and his new album, Songs for the Drunk and Broken Hearted. I’m watching the video for the tune “A Song For The Drunk And Broken Hearted,” and it’s pretty dumb, like he’s sort of cosplaying as the Joaquin Phoenix version of The Joker, and the six or eight people in the crowd are razzing him, and then he launches into the song, a strummy, harmonica-powered ditty that sounds like Conor Oberst trying to sound like Bob Dylan. It is very “meh,” if that’s your thing.

• Lastly we have Dangerous: The Double Album from cowboy-hat singing dude Morgan Wallen, who got arrested for public drunkenness outside Kid Rock’s gross bar in Nashville. On the title track he sings-raps like a total redneck, like the guy from Primus but not joking around. It’s kind of cool I suppose.

Real Numbers, Brighter Then (Slumberland Records)

…Or at least the two advance singles from the third EP from this Minneapolis-based jangle-pop band, as they couldn’t seem to send over the full five tunes (not that I really cared either way, but point of order, the other three include a reprise version of one of the songs we’ll go over here). Anyhoo, the guitar line on the title track is crazy bright and, of course, jangly, with gentle amateurish singing so deeply buried in reverb that half the shoegaze bands of the Aughts are probably lining up to sue them. In other words, yeah, it’s like if Glasvegas covered a Byrds song (and who wouldn’t be into such a novel, experimental thing, in case you’re from Neptune or whatnot and had never heard the 22 billion other bands who tried the same thing). OK, I don’t mean for it to sound like I hate this stuff; I definitely don’t, it just feels like its expiration date has long passed. Meanwhile, “Darling” is super cool if you can handle shoegaze-twee, like if Brian Jonestown Massacre covered a Belle & Sebastian song, or vice versa. B+

All Who Wander, Daylight (self-released)

From the wilds of Amherst comes this four-piece, consisting of Matthew Fiffield and four other guys, two of them having the surname Mavrogeorge, which leads me to assume they’re brothers, unless this super-weird year has recently taken up the hobby of dumping bizarre coincidences in my lap. Anyway, one drop of the cyber-needle on this emo-hard-rock conflagration had me sold: Where I’d basically expected the usual bit involving some gamer kids doofing around with a boombox and a few Minecraft samples just to troll me, the sound is as big as it gets, like latter-day Black Veil Brides, Panic! At The Disco, and so on and so forth, with some technically precise Linkin Park bits and big Minus The Bear-style angles that don’t rely solely on guitars. No, I’m not jerking you around, this one is for real, like these guys need to drop everything and spend a month in New York trying to find the right agent. Seriously, if you’re a forward-thinking power-pop-head, go find this on Spotify, iTunes or whatever, just freaking do it. A+

Retro Playlist

Eleven years ago this week, MySpace was a thing. There was even a “MySpace Records” imprint of sorts, and so without any trace of irony I brought to your attention Qu, an album by the band Sherwood. What was it? It was something that was OK but not wildly brilliant. “Happy-face subtropical surf-indie safely reminiscent of Reliant K and Hansen,” said I. “Not much for herd-thinkers to stress about with regard to where this fits in the grand scheme of ‘alternative’ pop things when one of the tunes here once pattered around helping to background MTV’s College Life.” It was eminently radio-ready, or wanted to be; in many places there’s a hook they just can’t seem to wring out of the correctly chosen bunches of notes gathered at the choruses (that is unless you like a dab of Springsteen B-sides with your boy-band fetishism, in which case you’d probably love this LP from start to what-me-worry finish). The curveball consists of soccer-stadium roars trading blows with Cuban timbales drums in “Not Gonna Love,” but aside from that it’s harmless, finger-snappy all around. Put it this way, their slot at the Warped Tour was probably the point in the festivities when it was time to sit in the grass indulging in ice cream and blank stares.

The same week, I also dissected DYSE’s Lieder Sind Bruder Der Revolution, an album that was, on paper at least, a German response to Cro Mags. The hmm-that’s-somewhat-cool part is that this is/was a two-man operation, a welcome trend that historically took hold not so much out of any blind obeisance to White Stripes but more out of basic necessity, that is to say a dearth of local talent. In practice, DYSE are like an undiscovered entry in the SST catalog or whatnot, something from when post-punk hated radio, i.e. there’s quite a bit of Nick Cave, Redd Kross and Minutemen in the air. Thing is, and this is a problem often heard in European bands, DYSE doesn’t seem fully possessed of that aura of genuine deconstructive craziness common to bands from the States or England, unless of course you’re German, in which case, sure, maybe they sound like they’re ready to smash wedding cakes or copy something they saw in an old Iggy video, whatever denotes crazy underground punk-tude nowadays. Pretty typical underground-record-store vibe, not that I have any problem with that.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• I know what you’re thinking: Hooray, 2020 is over, no more murder hornets or news stories about Sean Connery passing away and whatever else happened during Literally The Worst Year In History. But it’s only Jan. 1, or at least that’s the next scheduled general album release date, as if any band or artist would put out a new album on New Year’s Day. It’d probably be more interesting if I just filled this space with pictures of clowns throwing cream pies at each other, but for the sake of Odin and Poseidon and whatnot I shall go forth, forthwith, for duty and humanity, in search of crazy people who decided to put out albums while everyone is sleeping off the end of 2020. Toward that, I’ve started at Metacritic, which tells me there is an album coming out from The Dirty Nil, called F— Art. And thus the cosmic jokes continue even into the new year, when I have to censor the title of whatever stupid music thing this is. Wiki says that the band won the Juno Award for Breakthrough Group of the Year at the Juno Awards of 2017, which means they’re from Canada, which means they’ll be annoyingly proper and PC despite the album’s edgelord title. Whatever, here’s the new song, “Doom Boy,” and — guys, this is so cute, it’s like emo (in other words power pop, and yes, it used to be that Google would only find articles by me if you searched for “emo band,” but now everyone calls trashy tuneage like this “emo,” which means I should be monetarily remunerated for inventing a term for something I detest, which is usually how the remunerations process works when you’re a veteran writer, someone please tell me how to use the Patreon)! There’s some metal riffing that goes on, but don’t worry, in this case your little brother won’t go on to buying actual cool music with his allowance, because it’s been washed and scrubbed in soapy suds, with all traces of Ministry and Slayer and Meshuggah completely gone. No worries, mom and dad!

• Gick, what else do we have, I can barely stand it. Since there’s literally no one else dumb enough to put out an album on National Hangover Day, we’ll fast-forward to Monday, Jan. 4, when we get Querencia, the debut album from Kim Chung-ha, better known mononymously as Chungha, the South Korean singer, dancer, songwriter and choreographer! The first single, “Tell Me That You Will,” was on TikTok; the song is pretty standard house-infused technopop, nice enough, sexytime grinding in the video, blah blah blah. Supposedly the whole album is sung in Korean, but this isn’t. Anyway, that.

• We’ll wrap up this week’s horror with J.T., the new LP from Steve Earle & The Dukes, which also streets on Jan. 4. It’s the 21st album from the Texas-born hayseed-rocker, and the single, “Harlem River Blues,” isn’t bad at all! It’s high-end bluegrassy chill-folk containing elements of zydeco, like, I’d dance to it if I were drunk at a Deerfield Fair pig scramble afterparty, and I wouldn’t even insist on a partner. Maybe I’d dance with one of those black billy goats. Do people do that at Deerfield Fair afterparties or would it just be awkward?

H.P. Lovecraft (read by Andrew Leman), The Festival (Cadabra Records)

I’d be more than happy to make part of this space’s regular praxis reviews of horror-story readings, but my PR feed is like a box of chocolates, usually composed of gross strawberry-coconut bonbons, of course, and almost never cool caramel-cookie-filled slam-dunks like this. You may recall last year, or whenever it was, we went over an album that captured a reading of one of M.R. (Montague Rhodes) James cherished ghost stories; I’m pretty sure it was also released through Calabra Records, but who cares, I was glad to be apprised of this one either way. It’s a limited vinyl release, read by actor Andrew Leman, who’s a member of the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society. Leman may sound a bit bookwormy, which isn’t necessarily bad (Anthony Heald’s commercial reading of the Jurassic Park-related novel The Lost World was a lot more hateful than this), and he obviously has deep reverence for the matter, as did the album’s soundtrack guy, horror composer Fabio Frizzi. The story itself is set during the holidays, but don’t let that stop you; Lovecraft’s crazily bizarre world is always fascinating, and this 30-minute escape pod is a very special treat for new and old fans. A+

Pete Ellman Big Band, For Pete’s Ache (Cadabra Records)

Just what it looks like, a jazz band with a more than adequate sense of style. This now-11-year-old contingent comes to us from Illinois, where Ellman is a vital cog in the annual Naperville Big Band Jazz Festival (which of course hasn’t a prayer of running this year); he retired from the 566th Air Force Band around 2009 and promptly fired this outfit up to burn on all cylinders. Along the way, the band’s been joined by such greats as Wayne Bergeron, Jeff Coffin, Wycliffe Gordon, John Fedchock and Peter Erskine, just to drop a few names, who all must have had a blast with this nimble, razor-sharp crew. Lots of originals here, starting with the noir-esque “High Speed Pursuit,” during which you can practically feel the pavement shake as the tune busies itself conjuring Al Capone’s Cadillac V16 trying to outrun the cops. This is top-drawer stuff if, a lot of it original, always with its heart in the right place. A+

Retro Playlist

Over the years this space has covered a seemingly uncountable number of oddball releases. In case it wasn’t obvious, I do take pains to avoid heavily funded corporate-produced albums, as it’s a recipe for nothing but trouble: Readers will either get mad that I failed to notice some minor redeeming quality about a record, or they’ll get upset that I failed to notice something that automatically, in their eyes, made the album suck. Toward all that, I hold out perpetual hope that everyone who’s ever taken a pop music group seriously has eventually grown up to be an upstanding, valuable citizen, perhaps by volunteering for the Peace Corps or something of that sort.

Nobody’s perfect, in case that’s news. Let’s go back almost six years, to February 2015, when a certain public relations firm trolled me into reviewing Enter, the debut EP from a purported “goth/trip-hop” band called Temple Invisible. The band is/was from Romania, and they were promised to be a cross between Massive Attack, Portishead and Depeche Mode. “The only way this could be more enticing CD-reviewer-bait,” I wiseassed back then, “is if the promo came with a free robot girlfriend.” As you’d guess, it was quite the disappointing listen, far from the rich and delicious industrial chill-tech I’d expected. There was goth-metal riffage, though, in some of the tunes, if that’s your thing, like “Disappearance,” which was basically “half Aphex Twin and half Lacuna Coil, in other words it sounds like Collide.” Edgy neo-’80s goth-pop is seemingly everywhere now, so I expect this band is doing OK, if all the members haven’t abandoned ship.

A few months later I made like Wile E. Coyote for the umpteenth time with regard to Portal/Well, an album from Bee and Flower’s Dana Schechter, stumping under the name Insect Ark. A former metal chick, Schecter’s indie cachet was nonetheless impeccable, being that she formed the band Angels of Light with Swans leader Michael Gira in the early ’90s. And so, Schecter had partaken of too much freak-pop Kool-Aid, and this LP turned out to be a fairly typical trip down whack-job lane, viz: “roiling wetworks made of organic and synthetic drums, heavy ringouts and faraway lead-guitar figures, [all] creating murals evocative of Mount Doom lava flows and war wreckage.”

I’ll be falling for the “wait, no, seriously, an awesome album from someone associated with Swans” trap until further notice, just saying.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• Ha ha, the next general-release day is Christmas Day, which means that even if any bands are crazy enough to wait until this week to release their stupid album, no one will be able to buy it on the traditional Friday date! So what the heck is my play here, you’re probably wondering. Well, I have no idea, but if there are any polka-metal bands with a nice shiny new release coming out on or around the 25th, I will find them, and I will snark them. Ready, here I go, into the Google void, with my trusty fishing reel, zzzzing, plop, into the slimy ooze it goes, and wait, ho ho ho, we have a winner, the AlbumOfTheYear website claims that some comedy rapper dude named Lilnedbigby is releasing his second mixtape, ingeniously titled Mixtape 2, on The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year [void where prohibited]! Hmm, the only Lilnedbigby I’m seeing is some kid on Twitter who’s babbling some nonsense about “politics” (if you actually consider the last election cycle “politics” and not cage wrestling), and he has two followers on Twitter. Maybe he’s a troll. Nope, some other Twitter Twit claims he might be the only Lilnedbigby fan in the world, and there are other people tweeting at Lilnedbigby. OK, whatever, I found a lyric site on Genius.com, with a bunch of Lilnedbigby lyrics. No music, so I used my journalistic superpowers to take the next step, visiting YouTube while wearing a fake beard and not dressed in a T-shirt for once. Wup, there he is, he’s probably 15 if that, and the music is random hangry venting about R Kelly, some girl who wants nothing to do with him, and, I think, trying to get his mom to take him to McDonald’s or something. This is actually a pretty smart move, because no one would release an album on a Friday Christmas unless they were insane. So, thanks, insane kid, for saving my column!

• Huh, I thought that was going to be it for the week, like, no other albums to talk about, but hark, some Bad Santa guy just came down my chimney and handed me an album announcement from someone named Emily Finchum, whose Morbid Curiosity album/mixtape/whatever comes out on Thursday the 24th! A quick expert analysis of social media finds her on Facebook, where we discover that she’s 18 years old, a human from Washington state, and that all her songs are always released on Facebook first. Weird, though, she hasn’t released anything on Facebook in months, but the song “Morbid Curiosity” is on YouTube. It’s OK, basically a Billie Eilish ripoff, but it’s kind of ’80s-ish, bouncy and happy. Maybe she should get together with Lilnedbigby, the guy I just talked about up there. What sort of music would they create? I do not care.

• Anyway, so yeah. The next release Friday is on Christmas, this is completely hopeless. Well, wait a moment, look, at the last minute, Genius.com says there’s some band called ¡MAYDAY! releasing a new EP, titled Minute to Midnight 00:59 coming out on Christmas Day! Supposedly they’re a hip-hop band, and their single “Flatline” does kind of sound a bit like someone from Cypress Hill let their little brother into the studio to do some swearing and rapping over an old Stooges riff. It’s cheap-sounding but actually kinda cool, like something you’d hear on the soundtrack to a Deadpool movie. I’ve heard worse, like every single day.

Sculptor, Untold Secrets (Frontiers Music)

Is “melodic death metal” an oxymoron, a shameless way to sell out, or a sure sign that a band doesn’t belong together owing to artistic differences? This quintet is from Brazil, here tabling their debut album, which is released through one of the few record labels that actively seeks out this kind of stuff, specifically Evanescence-level power-metal sung by guys whose preferred vocal style is totally Cookie Monster. Well, maybe not strictly Cookie Monster; there’s black-metal devil-monster caterwauling too, and rainy gloom-death riffing if you tend to keep score when listening to this kind of album, not that I ever do. I mean, good luck to these dudes, is what I say, not that a Brazilian death metal band that sounds kind of like In Flames would need extra help in the form of best wishes from a critic as detached from the genre as I am — São Paulo is where I’d want to be personally if I were playing in a band like this. B- — Eric W. Saeger

Deafkids, Ritos do Colapso (self-released)

I honestly had no intention of turning this week’s column into a central repository of Brazilian doom-music, but that’s how the dice rolled, first with Sculptor’s debut album and then with this one, which basically caught my fancy after discovering that this slightly experimental ambient-noise-techno band landed a spot on the soundtrack for Cyberpunk 2077, a dystopian role-playing video game starring none other than Keanu Reeves (it seems Australia has some sort of problem with the game’s messaging, which means it’s probably fun in some way). Whatever, this digital-only EP reads like a Whitman Sampler of experimental spazz-beats, starting with two dubstep-ish rinseouts that were apparently played on real drums. That’s a pretty cool trick, but “Tentáculos” is a lot more interesting, a creepy blend of tribal rhythm and random snake-taming bizarreness that would have fit in well on the Hurt Locker soundtrack. Like I said, strictly experimental, but cool; nicely organic, undoubtedly with an eye toward more soundtracking gigs. A

Retro Playlist

I have to admit, sometimes I’ve gotten it right the first time. For those who’ve subjected themselves to this column for the last 15 years plus, you may remember the bit in 2009 when I talked about New Orleans band Stanton Moore/Garage A Trois’s then-new All Kooked Out album, and how there was “nothing wrong with you” if you’d never heard of him. On this one-man effort, I posited, Moore was trying to be “Spyro Gyra and That F–ing Tank in the same album,” a recipe for commercial failure if ever there was one, or, just as possibly, a spazzy version of Charles Mingus’ least listenable records. As you’d guess, the random fricassee of honking, clattering and Wayne Shorter-style sax suddenly stopped about a third of the way in, for a decent-enough tune called “Purgatory,” and then a rather mellow version of Roberta Flack’s “The Closer I Get To You.” As well, there was “Fragile,” which sounded like the E Street Band trying to weird each other out, and “Electric Door Bell Machine,” a look at what Weather Report might have sounded like if they’d been really idiotic hipsters. Nevertheless, believe it or not, in my review of the album, I didn’t cover Moore in snark gravy and bake him at 350 for an hour. I was pretty nice to the dude.

At times I’ve experienced the joy of dissing multiple artists at a time, when unwary compilation albums come in. But it’s not always mean-spirited claptrap I spew; in fact I was quite genial to the various artists featured on 2014’s Le Sigh, Vol II. Le Sigh is/was an online zine based in Brooklyn, supporting women in the arts. In order to prove they were serious, the editors threw together a couple of female-punk comp albums, which gathered together such bands as Slutever, Fleabite and Alice. Soundalike touchstones ranged from X-Ray Spex to The Waitresses, but it was all good fun, really, with more attitude than a 13-year-old girl threatened with losing her iPhone if she doesn’t wear the cute bunny pajamas Grandma sent for Christmas.

Moral: I can be nice at times. It really depends on the quality of our current dinner leftovers, to be honest.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• OMG, it’s totally the last-minute holiday rush, when those 14 million newly unemployed Americans, all snug in their warm cardboard refrigerator-box condominium complexes comfortably located somewhere under the overpass, need direction as to where to spend that stray $20 bill they found skittering across the parking lot at Whole Foods! Well, I’m here to help, homies, with the latest albums you can buy, all of which are coming to your stores and whatnot, on Dec. 18! As you’d guess, there is basically nothing new coming out except for metal albums and reissues from rich bands and whatever, and trust me, I already looked. First thing that jumped out at me was a 50th anniversary of The Kinks’ eighth album, Lola Versus Powerman And The Moneygoround, a fine album that was released in 1970, in case you’re deficient in math skills like I am! I have to confess that I was never the biggest Kinks fan, like they were basically the prototype for every joke-band ever put together, but this album did have one awesome song on it, I’d be the first to admit it. No, I don’t mean the titular “Lola,” a song I could literally live forever without ever hearing again; it’s in fact “Apeman” to which I refer, a joke song about alienation or whatnot, and it was kind of ahead of its time. Check out these lyrics: “I think I’m so educated and I’m so civilized / ‘Cause I’m a strict vegetarian / But with the over-population and inflation and starvation / And the crazy politicians / I don’t feel safe in this world no more.” Cool, huh? Anyway, there you go, fam, the Kinks, with a new-old album, you are now free to go pay good money for whatever you’re going to get out of it, maybe extra cowbell or whatever.

• If you can stand the suspense and wait until Saturday the 19th, there is a new EP from hip-hop guy Letoa coming out that day, called Glocstarr V1! There is already a user review (not a review from an actual music critic, in other words) on the Album Of The Year website, from someone identified as mIlk, and that person says it’s awful. Actually they didn’t say anything, they just left a one-star rating and wrote “0” as a comment. All that goes to prove is that no one really uses the Album Of The Year website except for rock critics who are desperately trying to find albums coming out at the last minute, because nearly a half-million people have streamed at least one of the tunes, called “Ice Cold.” The beat sounds like some incidental theme music from Lord of the Rings, except for the beginner-level haunted house bass and the stupid trap drums. Can I shut this off now?

• OK, I give up, there’s nothing else coming out this week, and I refuse to talk about whichever black-metal bands are only putting out records because they either hate Christmas or don’t even know when it is, so we’re going to wrap up with chillwave/ambient techno guy Tycho! It’s not that he even has a real album coming out, just a remix album, called, appropriately enough, Weather Remixes, based on his 2019 Grammy nominated LP Weather. That one was great, a little bit guitar-tronic and a little indie-rock, so I’m sure all the remixes are good as well, if they’re even half as decent as the gorgeous remix of “Japan” by Satin Jackets. Awesome stuff.

The Myrrhderers, The Myrrhderers Sleigh Christmas (self-released)

It was with great sadness that I read last week there’d be no live Trans Siberian Orchestra shows coming to the area, just a streaming thingamajig instead. I looked to the universe, hoping to be cheered up, and lo, hark, behold, a wonderful holiday EP from a bunch of trolling punks declaring themselves to be a “North Pole punk-rock supergroup,” made up of members of “Dead Kringles, Prancid and Sleigher.” I immediately decided that the record would receive an A+ grade, then listened to all five songs, which literally only required 12 minutes out of my life. It’s all actually quite good if you like Good Charlotte demos and junk like that; their rub of “Deck The Halls” could actually be Green Day in Santa beards for all I know. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” is straightedge-leaning punk-pop lunacy, and so on. These guys aren’t just pikers with an eight-track recorder from 1991, but I didn’t deduct points for their decent production quality. Very tolerable. A+

Deep Sea Diver, Impossible Weight (ATO Records)

This album being so good, I think I’ll pass on listening to their last couple of records, as the consensus seems to be that they’re not as ambitious. The quartet is led by Seattleite Jessica Dobson, who in the past has played with a who’s-who of indie royalty (Shins, Spoon, Beck, others), experiences that have helped to shape her into the closest thing to a millennials’ Chrissie Hynde that I’ve heard to date. There’s a palpable grunge edge to this stuff; “Lights Out” sounds like a cross between Yeah Yeah Yeahs (with regard to the vocal approach) and Superdrag (relative to the mashed-potato guitar sound), but she’s obviously got a jones for trip-hop, by the afterparty steez emanating from “Shattering The Hourglass.” So that’s all well and good, and the tunes, regardless of their disparate influences, sound like they belong together, but the killer bit is that Dobson’s songwriting is outstanding. Well worth your stream time. A+

Retro Playlist

Merry corona-mas everyone, as the science nerds like to say down at CDC headquarters! There’s still plenty of time to order holiday music CDs, so today I’ll look at albums this page has covered in the past, but first it’s your reminder of the festive songs I can’t stand in the least, like “Feliz Navidad,” “O Holy Night” and of course Billy Squier’s “Christmas Is A Time To Say I Love You,” which, yes, I already harped on a couple of weeks ago, but wait, go listen to it again, if your stomach can handle it. Isn’t his voice super-annoying, like, doesn’t he sound like some sort of post-punk WC Fields, as though he wants to say “Go away kid, ya bother me” after every line? I mean, sure, I’d rather be subjected to Billy Squier’s dumb song than “O Holy Night” while I’m in line at Walgreens buying some stupid last-minute thing, like my hatred for that song isn’t bone-marrow level the way it is with John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s “Happy Christmas,” but — oh, you get the point.

For more tolerable holiday sounds, let’s go all the way back to 2006 for til Tuesday front-lady Aimee Mann’s Another Drifter In The Snow. It’s a mellow, very listenable collection, and her choices were all good: Mel Torme’s “The Christmas Song”; a bearable “Winter Wonderland” and for (polite) laughs, a rip of “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

In 2008 there was the charity-driven A Princeton Christmas: For The Children Of Africa album, by Princeton Choirs. Beautiful, reflective stuff for those quiet holiday nights, featuring donated tracks sung by The American Boychoir, The Westminster Concert Bell Choir and several others. Fun fact for cynics: Despite all the holiness baked into the tracks, there nevertheless exists a one-star review on Amazon submitted by someone who freaked out over the fact that the Princeton Theological Seminary Choir wasn’t brought into the mix. I really don’t need to expound on that, I’m sure.

PLAYLIST

A seriously abridged compendium of recent and future CD releases

• Yee hah. It’s a landslide of new releases, vying for your Hanukkwaanzmas dollar! I feel totally blessed this time of year, what with all the new albums coming out on Dec. 11, but honestly, this year I may not have enough snark left to deal with it all! I mean, just look, it’s a double-live album from Belle and Sebastian, called What To Look For In Summer, can you even stand it? Fifty million hipsters totally love dancing their happy irony dance to BS’s gentle, inoffensive twee-pop, and they only dance harder when the song is so boring and unlistenable that all their friends give up on them forever, like all that stuff from Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like a Peasant (they played the whole album during their headlining stint at the Boaty Weekender festival, the famous gathering place for rich people with boats and stock options, and some of those live versions are on this album). The album starts off with a version of the Scottish beer-guzzling singalong “The Song of the Clyde,” isn’t that so awesome? I’m totally going to listen to this album on my schooner as I chase that devil Moby Dick all over the seven seas, with my ironic hipster bos’n mates who all have mad harpoon skills and bunny tattoos!

• Wait, fam, look, we don’t just have young millennial hipster deck-swabs to talk about, because thar she blows, a new album from Paul McCartney, titled McCartney III! I totally can’t remember the name of his old band, something like Herman’s Hermits, or Len, or whatever, but either way, this guy, whose eyelift surgery makes him look like Carol Channing at closing time at an after-hours bash, is at it again, just cold bringin’ the guitar-pop music, to teach you crazy Death Grips listeners how it’s done! Boy, I can hardly wait to dig my ears into the new version of “Coming Up,” any of you boomers remember that awful song? Ah, here it is. It sounds like it’s sung by drunken Ewoks who don’t know how to use their cheap downloadable music-making software. Gack, it’s even more horrible than the original, so let’s put this aside for now and press on.

• Continuing our excursion to find musical coolness whilst sailing on board the Pequod, Canadian folkie duo Kacy & Clayton have been around since 2011, doing their part to bring good folkie-fied feels to the hipster whaling community and all young people who watch shows like Archer just to annoy their roommates. Their new album is Plastic Bouquet, a collaboration of sorts with New Zealand musician Marlon Williams! No, I have no idea who that is either, but whatever, yay Marlon Whastisname! The lead single, “I Wonder Why” mostly sounds like Roy Orbison, but it’s mostly an acoustic guitar thing, so there’s a rootsy Hank Williams feel to it as well. It’s OK.

• Lastly, we should probably take a quick listen to whatever’s going on in the new M. Ward album, Think Of Spring, specifically the single “For Heaven’s Sake.” Spoiler: It’s a wispy, dreamy unplugged-strummy-guitar tune with way too much reverb on his voice. I suppose I’d love it if I were a salty hipster whaleboat swab born in 1987 instead of never-you-mind-all-that, and had never listened to Simon & Garfunkel, because that’s kind of what it’s like, except it’s bare-bones. But I wasn’t, so I hereby rudely dismiss this song, with extreme prejudice.

• Finally we have Tucson-based Tex-Mex-indie stalwarts Calexico, with their new LP, Seasonal Shift! Huh, how do you like that, it’s a holiday album! The first single is called “Hear The Bells,” in which the boy-eez sing about drinking mescal and selling something or other by the side of the road, I don’t know. Sounds like a cross between Everly Brothers and your least-favorite pop band from the 1980s, if that helps any.