Author: Amy Diaz

Eternally youthful Paul Rudd returns for an adventure in the tinyverse in Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.

Scott Lang/Ant-Man (Rudd) has a pretty good post-Thanos life. He’s written a book, he’s publicly beloved and his girlfriend Hope Van Dyne/the Wasp (Evangeline Lilly) is using science to make the world a better place. But then he gets a call from the police department where his daughter Cassie (Kathryn Newton) is being held after getting arrested at a protest where she may have shrunk a police car (Hope slipped her an Ant-Man-like suit). When Scott brings her home to the Pym/Van Dyne house, he learns Cassie has been working with Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) and Hope on tech to map the quantum realm. Everyone’s proud of young Cassie’s invention but Hank’s wife/Hope’s mom Janet van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer) gets panicked when she realizes the device sends a signal into the quantum realm. She tries to shut it off but the device malfunctions and sucks them all in — or down, I guess, as the quantum realm is the submicroscopic world below or inside or whatever our world.

Janet, you’ll remember, was once stuck in the quantum realm for decades and when the gang — separated into two groups: the Pym/Van Dyne family and Scott and Cassie — arrives they realize she knows more than she’s ever explained about this world. For one, it’s populated by an assortment of beings, some more humanoid than others. And one of those beings is apparently the big noise of the quantum realm with some kind of old score to settle with Janet.

Eventually we meet this guy and he is Kang (Jonathan Majors), a name to remember for Phase Five of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If you watched Loki and didn’t give up after one episode like I did, apparently he is familiar (and also there’s some Loki content in the post-credits, according to the internet; I only stayed for one mid-credits scene, which was wearying). He is the villain — I guess? Mostly, he just feels like the start to a Whole Thing.

This movie is primarily made of goofiness, some of which I enjoyed (a cute if not well-used cameo, some business with Hank Pym’s ants) and some of which I just found to be tiresome. Everything to do with the fraying of the multiverse or whatever, the half-baked “secrets Janet never divulged” stuff, and Kang’s whole deal all just feel like a drag on whatever fun the movie could have had.

This movie feels so invested in being the first chapter of a new thing that it seems like it forgot to put together a compelling stand-alone story. And while I have affection for both Paul Rudd and Scott Lang, that affection isn’t enough for the movie to skate by with so few redeeming elements of its own. C

Rated PG-13 because that is the most profitable rating — I mean, for violence/action and language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Peyton Reed with a screenplay by Jeff Loveness, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is two hours and five minutes long and distributed in theaters by Walt Disney Studios.

Featured photo: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Channing Tatum’s Mike takes his skills to London in Magic Mike’s Last Dance, a movie about abs.

Sure, there’s other stuff: A romance between Tatum’s character and Salma Hayek Pinault’s character that never has quite as much charm and chemistry as their little pre-movie “thank you for watching this movie” message. A plot that feels like somebody watched part of an early Ted Lasso episode and said how about we do a little of that, sorta. A show within a show, to give us the big dance finale we bought our tickets to go see. Some impressive biceps, some (clothed) butts. But, like, if I had to sum it all up: abs, this movie is about really chiseled abs.

Narration — delivered by Zadie (Jemelia George), the bored teenage daughter of Maxandra (Hayek Pinault) — explains that Mike Lane (Tatum) lost his furniture business in the pandemic, which is why he is bartending at a fancy party in Miami. He runs into Kim (Caitlin Gerard), a woman whose bachelorette party he danced at back in the 2012 original Magic Mike movie. Now a lawyer for Maxandra, the woman throwing the fancy party Mike is working, Kim tells the divorcing and unhappy Maxandra about Mike’s past occupation. Max calls him into her house after the party and offers him $6,000 for a dance. He delivers and then some, which is how they end up in bed with Max offering to take him to London. She has a job for him — not that — that will require him for a month, after which she will pay him $60,000. He agrees, which is how he finds himself at a historic theater which has been presenting a fusty play.

Max got control of the theater as part of her divorce — mostly out of spite because her ex-mother-in-law loves it — and, after being danced on by Mike, decides that what she most wants is to bring the passion of that experience to the London stage. She asks Mike, with his male entertainer background, to direct this new production. She also declares that there will be no more romance between them; he declares that he will not dance in this production. Guess what happens!

The day I saw this movie, I consumed a fair amount of Magic Mike content. I finally saw 2015’s Magic Mike XXL and I listened to the This Had Oscar Buzz podcast episode about that movie (featuring hosts Joe Reid and Chris V. Feil with their Oscar-nominated buddy Pamela Ribon as guest). That episode was a delight, as was XXL — all goofy buddy energy and lots of dudes gyrating while trying to make flustered ladies feel sexy. It’s fun! It’s, as the podcast observed, all fun, with none of the more serious elements of the original movie.

I bring all this up because if that’s where you’re coming from, the “Woo-hoo! Pony!” vibe of XXL, Last Dance isn’t going to quite live up to that abs-tastic joyfulness, with Jada Pinkett Smith calling the female audience queens and Joe Manganiello being a loveable goof. The remaining Kings of Tampa are mostly absent in this third outing. Instead, we get a lot of relationship-building between Mike and Max, most of which happens with Mike talking and not dancing. There is also stuff about Max’s struggles to be a mother to Zadie and her difficult divorce — and, sorry to Hayek Pinault, but I didn’t care about any of that. Zadie, sassy teen, can be a fun balance to the sometimes kooky dreams of Max, and she and Max’s butler (Ayub Khan-Din) have a nice brothers-in-arms sort of friendship, but generally all of that stuff felt a bit like spinning our wheels waiting for dancing, which this movie felt rather light on. There is a cute sequence about halfway through that blends dance and caper, a director Steven Soderbergh specialty, and I wish the movie had done more of that, had more of that energy, lightness and general glee.

Overall, Magic Mike’s Last Dance is an OK amount of fun, a B maybe or a B- when compared to the top-notch “ladies make some noise” delight of Magic Mike XXL, which is a solid B+. And, for the record, This Had Oscar Buzz in general, and this episode in particular, are always an A+.

Rated R for sexual material and language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Steven Soderbergh with a screenplay by Reid Carolin, Magic Mike’s Last Dance is an hour and 52 minutes long and distributed in theaters by Warner Bros.

Want more Magic Mike? The original movie is currently streaming on HBO Max, if we’re still calling it that, and is available for rent or purchase. Magic Mike XXL is also streaming on HBO Max and Hulu (where it’s labeled TBS on Demand) and is available for rent or purchase.

This Had Oscar Buzz is available where ever you get your podcasts and is an absolute must for movie nerds, especially during Oscar season.

Pamela Ribon, a one-time Television Without Pity writer, writer on a bunch of TV and movie stuff including Ralph Breaks the Internet and a co-host of the Listen to Sassy podcast (also excellent), is nominated for an Oscar in the animated shorts category for the movie whose title got a little moment when Riz Ahmed read it — starts with My Year of and if you Google it you can probably still find it to watch via Vimeo. Watch it, it’s great! (Decidedly not for kids but great!)

Featured photo: Magic Mike’s Last Dance.

80 for Brady (PG-13)

Four talented actresses deserve better than the bland oatmeal that is 80 for Brady, a Girls Trip-meets-Last Vegas-style comedy.

Longtime buddies and Massachusetts residents Lou (Lily Tomlin), Trish (Jane Fonda), Maura (Rita Moreno) and Betty (Sally Field) have been getting together to watch the Patriots play football for nearly the whole of Tom Brady’s career (the movie takes place in 2017). They stumbled on a game while hanging with Lou after her chemo treatments and have now become such superfans that they even have a pre-game ritual, with everybody needing to sit in a specific spot or do a specific thing (Rita must drink tea, Lou must knock over chips). They love the whole team — Trish is even the successful author of a steamy fan fiction series about Gronkowski — but their particular shining star is Tom Brady, especially to Lou. Lou even hears Tom Brady (playing himself) urging her on when she decides to find a way to get tickets to the quickly forthcoming Super Bowl LI in Houston. When the ladies’ favorite sports show announces a plan to give away a four-pack of tickets, Lou is certain she’s found a way to make her dream happen.

The women make it to Houston, each dealing with her own stuff: Lou seems desperate to make this an experience to remember, Trish fears that she’s about to repeat a pattern of falling in love too fast when she meets ex-football player Dan (Harry Hamlin), Maura is trying to move on after the death of her beloved husband, and Betty’s beloved husband (Bob Balaban) is driving her nuts with his neediness. None of this is terribly well-examined and all the women remain kind of flat — Tomlin and Fonda’s characters more than those of Moreno and Field, who get to be more lively.

The movie’s slate of non-professional actors — Tom Brady, Guy Fieri, Rob Gronkowski — does not lead to a lot of stunning performances (though Guy Fieri gets off a pretty good throwaway joke). But it’s the flatness of the lead performances that is more disappointing. To describe the movie in Guy Fieri terms — he runs a hot wings contest in the movie — 80 for Brady not only never enters Flavortown, it stays on the far outskirts. I’d compare the movie to ketchup when it bills itself as hot sauce but ketchup has vinegar and this bland affair could use a bite of acid. The movie is so mild in its comedy, so restrained in what it lets its four lead actresses do and so shallow in the way it develops the characters’ stories that it feels slow and dragging even though it is only an hour and 38 minutes long. C

Rated PG-13 for brief strong language, some drug content and some suggestive references, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Kyle Marvin with a screenplay by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins, 80 for Brady is an hour and 38 minutes long and distributed in theaters by Paramount Pictures.

Knock at the Cabin (R)

A couple and their daughter are menaced by four strangers and the possibility that they might have to make a terrible choice in the underwhelming thriller Knock at the Cabin from director M. Night Shyamalan.

Eric (Jonathan Groff), Andrew (Ben Aldridge) and their daughter Wen (Kristen Cui) head to a cabin in rural Pennsylvania for a family getaway. Eric and Andrew are hanging out on the porch when on the other side of the house Wen is approached by Leonard (Dave Bautista). A Dave Bautista-sized man with a Dave Bautista voice, Leonard is nonetheless gentle when talking to Wen about the crickets she’s capturing to put in a jar for study and his desire to be friends with her and her dads. She sees other people appear and makes a run for the house, closing doors behind her and frantically telling her dads to come inside. Leonard and three other people — who we eventually learn are Sabrina (Nikki Amuka-Bird), Adriane (Abby Quinn) and Redmond (Rupert Grint) — come to the door and ask to come in. Eric and Andrew sensibly and politely tell them to buzz off, after which the group smash their way into the cabin.

Eventually, we get to the part you’ve probably seen in the trailers where Leonard explains that the four of them have been tasked by visions and some mysterious force to come and find this family. The family must, as families throughout history have done, make a horrible choice: sacrifice one of the family members or watch as the world ends through a series of plagues and disasters. Eric and Andrew reasonably call BS on this but then, as they decline to make a choice, Leonard turns on the TV to show Eric and Andrew the first series of disaster their unwillingness to participate has unleashed.

This movie reminds me of a rollercoaster, slowly click-click-clicking up toward the top. Except in this case the “top” is a long shallow climb and the down is a half-foot drop.

There are two not-stupid, medium-intriguing questions at play here: Could you sacrifice a beloved family member to save all of the world (and no copping out by one selfless member sacrificing themself)? And, could a group of people be manipulated into believing they are on a quest from God when really they’ve been pushed into a group delusion by the internet?

Both of these little puzzles make for potentially interesting story telling, but the movie doesn’t really dig in to them. Instead Dave Bautista just repeats that “one of the three of you has to sacrifice themself” over and over while we get little glimpses into the life of Eric and Andrew via flashback. Not a lot of character development or personality depth, more just like “here’s the time when they first saw baby Wen at the hospital” or “here’s the song they were listening to on the way to the cabin.” Aside from some basic name-age-occupation facts, we don’t get a lot of personality on the other characters either. Maybe Shyamalan felt like this story was more plot-driven, about the questions raised and the story twists and not about character relationships. And, OK, that’s not a terrible storytelling choice but that means that the twists, thrills and puzzles need to be compellingly presented, and they’re just not here. C+

Rated R for violence and language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan with a screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan and Steve Desmond & Michael Sherman, from the book The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay, Knock at the Cabin is and hour and 40 minutes long and distributed in theaters by Universal Studios & Vacation Home Productions.

Featured photo: 80 for Brady.