Mary Sargent
Family mediator, Mary Sargent Mediation
Mary Sargent is a certified family mediator based in Bedford.
Explain your job and what it entails.
The conflicts I mediate are largely divorce and parenting [issues]. … I help parties dispute and negotiate toward agreements by facilitating healthy, productive conversation that may or may not [end in] an agreement. I make sure that people are hearing and understanding each other, and that they have all the information they need to make a decision. Then, I help them put [their decision] in whatever form is needed, whether it’s a court order or a contract or a simple agreement.
How long have you had this job?
Twelve years.
What led you to this career field and your current job?
Over the years, I’ve held a lot of different positions within family work — Child Protective Services worker, guardian ad litem, case manager — and at the core of all of those positions is identifying areas of problems, disputes and conflicts. … I was seeing a lot of people in a lot of pain because they were trying so hard to avoid an issue when what they really needed to do was resolve the issue. … I realized that mediation allows an opportunity to address a problem head-on … and really drill down to the heart of it, rather than trying to avoid, deny or work around it.
What kind of education or training did you need?
I have a bachelor’s degree, and I’ve had extensive training through certificate programs. In New Hampshire, you have to go through a certification class and an internship to [become certified].
What is your typical at-work uniform or attire?
Business casual.
How has your job changed over the last year?
Prior to Covid, the very idea of doing [mediation] remotely was controversial, industry-wide … but, ultimately, we were forced into it, and I do the vast majority of my work remotely. I’ve found that it actually solves more problems than it creates. It can be difficult for people who are in conflict with one another to sit at a table in the same room. It’s a little easier for them and mitigates some of the anticipatory anxiety if they can be in the comfort of their own home where they aren’t in close physical proximity to each other.
What do you wish you’d known at the beginning of your career?
How hard it would be and how long it would take to build a practice and make a name for myself. A lot of people didn’t even know what mediation was, so getting them to buy into mediation, and then to find me [was hard].
What do you wish other people knew about your job?
Mediators don’t make decisions. … A lot of times people come to me and say, ‘We need your help in deciding what is fair,’ and I tell them, ‘I have no idea.’ We can guide people … [in having] a productive conversation, but we can’t determine what is or isn’t fair for them. The fair and equitable [outcome] is whatever they agree on as being fair and equitable.
What was the first job you ever had?
Summer camp counselor.
What’s the best piece of work-related advice you’ve ever received?
Be mindful of the present, and assume there’s space for an agreement, even if you don’t know what that looks like yet.
Five favorites
Favorite book: To Kill a Mockingbird
Favorite movie: The Birdcage
Favorite music: Showtunes
Favorite food: Pizza
Favorite thing about NH: Lake Winnipesaukee
Featured photo: Mary Sargent. Courtesy photo.