With Christmas arriving on Saturday it’s time to review who’s been naughty and nice as we hand our annual presents for folks in sports during 2021.
Chip Kelly: A top 10 recruiting class to get him over the hump in Year 4 on the job because the big seat is going to get hotter at UCLA in the year ahead if he doesn’t.
Tiger Woods: A return to good health after the horrific car accident to let him pursue what he wants to in golf, as it would be sad to see one of the greatest careers in golf end in such a terrible way.
Chris Sale: Ditto for you, lefty, as it would be nice to see you regain form and pitch injury-free for the first time since spring of 2018.
Steph Curry: A little perspective. As those water works after you did it show, you and many others in basketball way, way, way over-value the three-point shot. It’s a nice career record you set and I do marvel at your incredible range and accuracy, but give me a break, buddy; in the end it’s just a long shot, not like passing Bill Russell’s record 11 NBA titles.
Ben Simmons: A lump of coal and a DVD of the game where fans in Philly booed Santa Claus on Christmas Day to show him it’s a tough place to play and he shouldn’t be such a crybaby. Of course it would help if he weren’t terrified to shoot in big moments.
Mac Jones: A Super Bowl title in the very near future to stop the yapping of the haters out there who are doing it to fabricate a weakness of yours because starting the career in Brady-like fashion drives those who hate that Coach B pulls rabbits out of his hat more than anyone even crazier than they usually are.
Donald Parham: A swift and complete recovery for the L.A. Chargers tight end after his scary neck/head injury on Thursday Night Football last week.
Brandon Staley: A place to hide out in L.A. after blowing that just-mentioned TNF game for first place in the AFC West, a game his Chargers should have won vs. KC, by going for TD’s over the field goal three times inside the five-yard line on fourth downs when they were stopped twice and fumbled on the other one, when one FG would have prevented it from going into OT, where KC won it. Also a copy of the soon to be best seller It’s OK To Admit You’re Wrong When You Screw Up for him saying after the game he was “comfortable” with those decisions despite the disastrous results. Talk about delusional thinking for the holidays!
Red Sox Nation: Two quality starters, two quality relievers (at least) and a return from whatever world Matt Barnes lived in during the second half of 2021 after being lights out in the first half.
Jackie Bradley Jr: That his return home to Fenway sparks a return to his hitting form of 2018 when he was ALCS MVP and hit a huge homer in the clinching game in the World Series that followed. Why? Because we like JBJR.
Sox owner John Henry: The perspective to know there’s a fine line between not allowing yourself to be strangled/penalized by an overindulgent payroll and rebuilding the farm system and that you are a major market team financially and shouldn’t be cheaping out to save a few bucks.
Chaim Bloom: The good sense to know the $20 million per for just three years Kyle Schwarber is looking for is exactly the kind of short-term deal he should be looking for. It’s a bargain, buddy, so as Kramer would say, Go!
USA Men’s Soccer: A nice showing (for once) in the upcoming World Cup this summer.
Danny Ainge: A good luck wish for the new job in Utah and a ceremony to raise 44 to the rafters, as two titles as a player and one as the GM over 20 years of service to the Celtics warrants that.
MLB and the Players Association: Not that this has a chance of happening. But to have the common sense and wisdom to know that the best deals are the ones when both sides win.
Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds: Election to the Hall of Fame. Because while using ’roids was kinda sorta illegal, with a number of highly suspected users already in it’s murky to prove. Plus with the grand enabler Bud Selig breezing in, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Ditto for Mark McGwire and Andy Pettitte.
Urban Meyer: A new job where he’ll go back to being the BMOC on a college campus because after his catastrophic 13-game reign in Jacksonville when the trouble started less than a month into his tenure he’ll never work in the NFL again. Hard to screw something up as badly and quickly as he did this one.
The Patriots Special Teams: A refresher course from the time when the other guys made the big mistakes on special teams, because after seeing three punts blocked punts in their first 14 games, they seem like the good old days now.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander: A framed print of Yogi Berra’s quote “It ain’t over till it’s over” to remind him to always play through the buzzer, as everyone in the joint thought OKC and New Orleans were headed to OT after SGA drained a 38-footer to tie it at 110 apiece with 1.8 seconds left.
Devonte Graham: Nothing we can give the Pelican point guard could top what he got when Christmas came early last week when his desperation 70-foot heave after that dagger from Gilgeous-Alexander banked in at the buzzer to give New Orleans a stunning 113-110 win over OKC instead.
To all of us, an end to the Covid nightmare so we can all get back to a normal life sometime in the year ahead.