Category: Pop

Album Reviews 23/07/13

Craving, Call Of The Sirens (Massacre Records)

I’m barely doing Facebook at all lately because I’m trying to finish a new book, but one thing I did notice in my recent drop-ins to that hell-site was the descent of local author and Hippo co-founder-or-whatnot Dan Szczesny into the ranks of epic metal fanboys; in other words, he really likes bands like Nightwish and Visions Of Atlantis, which, basically translated, means bands that are basically like Trans Siberian Orchestra except there’s a lot more opera and all that stuff. Usually he’s a Springsteen-head, but it’s a free country, so here’s an album I can recommend to Dan and whoever else might dig “epic metal as defined as ‘melodic black metal and melodic death metal,’” mainly because the drummer of this German trio broke the “unofficial world record in playing blast beats at 250 bpm for over 20 minutes straight,” why aren’t you buying this album right now? OK, maybe you shouldn’t; it’s big into old-school black metal, going by opening tune “Mich Packt Die Wut” and much of the rest of this stuff, but it is indeed epic, fusing Scandinavian hardcore grog-oi to the dulcet caterwauling of Deafheaven. It’s fine. A

Cut Worms, Cut Worms (Jagjaguwar Records)

This is as good a time as any to let all you local bands in on a secret: If you’re paying for studio time to make a record, don’t hire a producer. Do. Not. Unless they’ve cut an actual Top 10 album, the producer is as lost as you are. You want a certain sound, just tell the engineer to get it for you. I bring this up because this follow-up to Brooklyn indie dude Max Clarke’s 2020 album Nobody Lives Here Anymore is better than that one because he took the helm himself: It nails the happy-go-lucky Beatles-meets-Ben Kweller vibe he wants. It’s retro ’70 radio pop at its best (there are moments in opener “Don’t Fade Out” that evoke Todd Rundgren for sure, Let It Be-era Beatles in “Take It and Smile,” etc.). These tunes just want you to feel good, and they go a long way toward that without any forced awkwardness or lonely precarity like so many of his peers are into. Nice stuff here. A

Playlist

• Ahoy, mateys, looky yonder, hard a-larboard (which means “to the right” in Moby Dick language), it’s a whole fleet of new albums coming this way, sure to delight the senses and such and so, when they all go on sale this Friday, July 14! OK, let’s do this, you trolls, the first thing to get out of the way is the inevitable “too soon” album to appear after the recent death of Canadian folk-pop genius Gordon Lightfoot! This one is a live album, titled Gordon Lightfoot At Royal Albert Hall, featuring all his greatest hits and more, from “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” to “Sundown,” which was a really great song indeed. The only real tangent I can offer as far as Gordon Lightfoot stories is the time I was a rising young business executroid doing phone sales stuff for IBM. I was on a call with some software company and suddenly I was talking to his actual daughter, and no, I’ve totally forgotten her name, but she was nice. Anyway, that’s it, gang, that’s it, Gordon Lightfoot everyone, go buy this new album so his nice daughter can quit her software job.

• I know diddly about ’80s funk/soul-poppers Kool & The Gang except for the fact that I never really cared about them at all, so please enjoy yourselves as you watch the silly journalism man try to fill some space with random brain droppings about the group’s new album, People Just Wanna Have Fun, an album title I think would be much more fitting if the group were a death metal band, but you do you, Kool and the Whatevers! No, OK, I’m kidding, k-i-d-d-i-n-g, folks, I think they had a song on the New Jack City soundtrack, which automatically makes them relevant forever — nope, it wasn’t them, never mind, they’re still irrelevant, except no, they did that song “Celebrate,” and recorded the worst funk song ever in music history, “Emergency.” There, that all should serve as a usable intro to the Kools, and now let me just duck out of here for one second and head to YouTube to listen to the new single, “Let’s Party,” which, if I recall correctly, was named after something really gross the maintenance crew had to clean up after Aztec ritual sacrifices. It sounds like a cross between Daft Punk and the Weeknd; your puppy would probably jump around cutely to it if you played it on your phone and told the little rascal you were going to upload the video to TikTok.

• Kosovo-born electropop-singing lady Rita Ora is back, with a new album, her third, You & I, and she wants you to listen to it, because — wait, “Rita Who?” you ask? Why, just one of the most famous England-based singing ladies in the world at the moment, that’s who! Wait, let me dial it down and Americanize it for y’all, you’ve heard of the song “Black Widow featuring Rita Ora” by Iggy Azalea, right? Well that explains everything right there, because she’s the same Rita Ora! Other than that she gets hundreds of millions of views on her videos from British bots and the occasional stray human of course, but who even cares about all that, let’s just go listen to her new Fatboy Slim-produced single, “Praising You,” won’t that be coooool? Right, it’s neo-disco with a neat little U.K. garage-ish drum sound underneath. I like it fine, but you might not.

• Lastly, it’s Norwegian nu-disco producer Lindstrøm, who has gotten in line to become this year’s Steve Aoki. Everyone Else is a Stranger is his new album, and it features the tune “Syreen,” an Aoki-ized house jam that’d be fun at a beach club if there were any such thing as fun anymore.

If you’re in a local band, now’s a great time to let me know about your EP, your single, whatever’s on your mind. Let me know how you’re holding yourself together without being able to play shows or jam with your homies. Send a recipe for keema matar. Message me on Twitter (@esaeger) or Facebook (eric.saeger.9).

The In-Between, by Hadley Vlahos

The In-Between, by Hadley Vlahos (Ballantine, 259 pages)

For much of the past 50 years, most Americans died in a hospital. That was a change from the first part of the 20th century, when most people died at home. Since 2017, more people are dying at home again, in large part because of the expansion of hospice care.

Hospice provides in-home support for a dying person and their caregivers, administering pain medication to the patient and providing other services. A new memoir from a hospice nurse provides a surprisingly upbeat look into hospice care and what people can expect at the end of life.

Hadley Vlahos was a single mom in her early 20s when she became a registered nurse, and then began working in hospice. She looked so young that families sometimes mistook her for a nurse’s assistant (and in one funny case, a stripper), but her youthfulness was also an asset, as when a dying man decided his new purpose in life was teaching this young woman everything she didn’t know about sports and current events.

But the main thing that Vlahos learned from her patients is that there is a liminal state between being alive and being dead, a state she calls “the in-between.” Her memoir is built around a series of stories about what past patients experienced during this time, from seemingly interacting with long-dead relatives to having a premonition about a future event.

She tells these stories matter-of-factly; there is no mysticism or religious proselytizing in the book; in fact, Vlahos was raised in a religious home, but turned away from her childhood faith after the death of a friend. And she doesn’t speculate on anything that happens after she pronounces the time of death of the patient aloud (which is part of her job). She is simply relating the “in-between” experiences of dying people, to which her work makes her a witness. And those experiences are, put simply, rather riveting.

There was, for example, Carl, a bed-ridden patient whom one day Vllahos found walking around his house with a flashlight, looking under furniture and behind curtains. When asked what he was doing, he said that he was playing hide-and-seek with Anna, his 2-year-old daughter who had drowned decades before. Vlahos, who had been trained to “meet patients where they are,” accepted this calmly.

“But where was Carl?” she wondered. “It seemed as if he was in two places at once. Physically, he was in the room with Mary and me; emotionally and mentally, he seemed very much to be somewhere else, with Anna.” Carl also said to Vlahos that he’d had a conversation with his mother. He seemed otherwise rational and consented to go back to bed.

Consulting with a physician, Vlahos learned it wasn’t unusual for dying people to have a spurt of physical energy, similar to the flash of cognition called terminal lucidity that sometimes occurs shortly before death. The phenomenon that caused Carl to get out of bed is called “the surge” by medical professionals, and it often fools family members into thinking their loved one is recovering, when actually it’s a sign that they will likely die within a few days. And indeed, Carl went downhill the next day.

This is the sort of practical information that is useful for any family considering hospice, especially since so many of us have been far removed from the physical processes of death as it was relegated to hospitals and nursing homes. But the book is also surprisingly hopeful, given that it involves the last day of the terminally ill, some of whom are dying in what should have been their prime.

There is, for example, the story of Elizabeth, a 40-year-old woman who is dying of lung cancer despite having never smoked and having no family history, and Reggie, the 58-year-old who is dying from advanced liver disease brought on by alcoholism. (Reggie’s story has additional poignancy from the reaction of his devoted dog to his death.) Elizabeth is a beautiful woman who had clearly been athletic before she got sick; in one of her conversations with Vlahos, she tells her that she regrets she had spent so much of her life working on a treadmill and confides that she avoided being with friends on her birthday because she didn’t want to eat cake. “I wish I’d just eaten the damn cake,” Elizabeth said.

Vlahos, who has struggled with disordered eating because of something her father said in her childhood, takes Elizabeth’s advice to heart. In fact it is because of the wisdom that so many of these patients impart in their final day that she sincerely enjoys her work, despite the reaction she gets from others when they learn what she does. (That revulsion clearly doesn’t carry over to the general public; she has more than a million followers on TikTok and Instagram, where she goes by NurseHadley.)

The work takes Vlahos everywhere from elegant homes in beach communities to a homeless camp, and she interperses the stories of her patients with the timeline of her own life — growing up with a father who appears to have been emotionally abusive, having a child out of wedlock at age 20, finding love with a physical therapist and navigating the terminal illness of her new mother-in-law.

While her writing is best described as workmanlike — there are no soaring passages of prose — the book is memorable for the stories and the remarkable pattern of dying people reporting conversations with loved ones (who sometimes tell them — accurately, as it turns out — when they are going to pass). These experiences take place whether people are religious or staunch atheists. These are usually people on morphine, of course, and the experiences can easily be written off hallucinations or delusions caused by the medicine or the body gradually shutting down. And most of us know of the dying experiences of people who didn’t experience anything quite so dreamy.

While Vlahos (very carefully) does seem to eventually side with those who believe in an afterlife, she clearly is open to anything as an explanation for what she has witnessed. “I don’t think we can explain everything that happens here on Earth, much less after we physically leave our bodies,” she writes. The observations of the living can neither predict or confirm the experience of the dead, but this memoir offers hope that dying may not be as terrifying as many people think — at least not with hospice care. B

Album Reviews 23/07/06

Cyclone Static, Cave Pop: Dance Songs For Primitive People (Mint 400 Records)

Wow, this isn’t the usual stuff I get from this particular public relations dude; it’s full-on throwback ’80s-rock a la Billy Idol or The Alarm or [name of angry-sounding oi-pop band] as opposed to the truckload of metal CDs he floods my mailbox with every month. But wait a minute, a few critics have tagged it as grunge stuff, and yup, it is, on the dumb, bonky, basically Nirvana-ish “On the Block,” but wait a minute, on “Real Sign” it makes like Weezer after way too much beer, all loud and aggressive and slow. And then they go full-on Nirvana again on “It’s Okay Now.” Wait a minute, maybe the problem is that this New Jersey (punk) band doesn’t have any idea what it’s doing (it’s actually proto-’90s-punk with too much raucousness to be counted as grunge), but whatever, a combination of Billy Idol, Weezer and Nirvana is pretty listenable, just admit it. A+ —Eric W. Saeger

Andrew Hung, Deliverance (Lex Records)

OK, I liked this one right from the drop, which is a nice break from, like, every little thing going wrong for like the past two weeks straight. Deliverance is Hung’s third album, but between releases he’s been Doing Things, most importantly collaborating with folktronica princess Beth Orton. I was warned ahead of time that Hung’s voice isn’t very good, not that that’s ever stopped anyone, and besides, his hesitant, repressed baritone sounds like Ric Okasek from The Cars trying to stay barely loud enough to be picked up at all. Also weirdly, opening tune “Ocean Mouth” has the same beat and tempo and affability as the old Cars tune “Touch and Go,” but anyway Hung’s trip doesn’t really parallel anyone else’s past that. His ethos combines punk with just enough tech and a lot of serious listenability, reminding me of guys like Winston Giles. There’s a dubstep feel to a lot of this, too, but the drum sound is splashy and super nice. Well worth investigating. A

Playlist

• Our next general CD release date is July 7, the Friday after this year’s really badly placed Fourth of July day off, thanks so much for having it on a Tuesday, founding fathers, so that we get to nurse our lager hangovers for three days in a row without any random naps! Actually I could use a nap or some fetid American beer right now, because there’s no escaping it, I have to talk about the forthcoming Taylor Swift album, Speak Now (Taylor’s Version), because she really could use some press, like, have any of you ever even heard of this person? No, I’d seriously rather write an essay on my favorite dentists than write about Taylor Swift, because it will involve some research on my part, given that (a) all I know is that she writes her own bad country songs and leaves the writing of all her diva hits to the two European dudes who write all the other bubble-pop hits, and (b) I couldn’t care less. I assume she’s got a bunch of drama going on, oh for cripes sake why don’t I just Google it. OK, forget it, just some 4chan-level “edgy” nonsense from her new totally-not-boyfriend/ex or whatever Matty Healy, who looks like a Spago’s busboy, I’m all set with all this, let the 11-year-olds argue about all the ins and outs. Ack, ack, listen to that new single, the title track, it is a harbinger of the ’90s grunge-chick radio-pop that’s poised to take over the world any day now. That’s right, folks, before you know it all the hip kids will be buying old Sub-Pop record albums instead of buying food or other important things, just to impress their slacker friends, and all the pop-divas will sound like Lisa Loeb and Jewel, and then everything will be horrible when all the Gen Z’ers discover Ani Di Franco. That’s what we have to look forward to, folks, mark my words. Move to Belgium while you still can before it’s too late.

• What’d I just tell you, folks, the Worthless Nineties are back! Look over there, it’s a new album from British indie-rocker PJ Harvey, titled I Inside the Old Year Dying, her first full-length since 2016’s The Hope Six Demolition Project, which drew criticism for its political messaging because she offered no solutions, just complaints. But isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing, yelling into our social media bubbles without ever being constructive? I don’t know, but whatever, she always makes me think of the Lili Taylor character in the movie Say Anything, strumming her guitar and singing angry-disaffected-angry tunes like “Joe Lies!” about whatever, but hey, maybe this time she’ll change the world with her singing; let’s go have a listen to “I Inside the Old I Dying,” eh wot? So, right, the first part is awful, like she’s singing bad on purpose over some ukulele (have we not yet had enough of stupid ukuleles yet, America, like, can we just move on to French horns or whatever’s next?) but the other half is forebode-y and gothy and dark. So it’s half-good and half-stupid, right in line with the zeitgeist.

• Chamber-pop performer Anohni is releasing a new album with her backing band, The Johnsons, titled My Back Was A Bridge For You To Cross! The single, “Sliver Of Ice,” is slow and depressing and weird, I wish I hadn’t listened to it because now all I want to do is eat an entire angel food cake. All set with this.

• And finally it’s Local Natives, a vanilla-indie-rock band from Los Angeles, with their latest, Time Will Wait For No One. If you like Muse you’ll probably be down with their new tune “NYE,” but if you find Muse annoying, as most normal people do, you won’t.

If you’re in a local band, now’s a great time to let me know about your EP, your single, whatever’s on your mind. Let me know how you’re holding yourself together without being able to play shows or jam with your homies. Send a recipe for keema matar. Message me on Twitter (@esaeger) or Facebook (eric.saeger.9).

How to Survive History, by Cody Cassidy

How to Survive History, by Cody Cassidy (Penguin, 224 pages)

Until this week I never knew there was a category on Amazon called “humor history,” but I’m here for it. So is Cody Cassidy, who created for himself a cheeky publishing niche by imagining the improbable and then figuring out (with the help of experts) the answer to the question “What if…?”.

He did that first in 2017’s And Then You’re Dead, in which he wondered what would really happen if you, say, got swallowed by a whale, got caught in a stampede, went over Niagara Falls in a barrel or had sundry other unpleasant adventures. Now he’s back with How to Survive History, in which he offers (hopefully not useful) advice on how we can survive extinction-level events such as asteroids or volcano explosions should some time-traveling event send us back to one. It’s fanciful, of course, and a tad silly, but Cassidy comes to the task with a surprising gravitas and the right mix of “yes, this is kind of crazy” but also “this is serious stuff, pay attention.”

The serious stuff is the history behind the events, which include the strike of the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, the sinking of the Titanic and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD. Most of us learned in childhood about the asteroid that hit Earth some 66 million years ago, and we may have even retained some specifics about the planet-altering event, such as the size of the rock, believed to be between 8 and 9 miles wide.

But reading Cassidy’s description of what happened in the aftermath was the first time I really understood the scope of the destruction and the chain of events it triggered. “If this asteroid hit in the same spot today, the blast wave would kill you in Texas, deafen you in New York and blow out your window panes in Buenos Aires,” he writes. “The rock rang Earth like a bell.”

And there were so many ways that it could have killed you, had humans been around then, from the skyscraper-high tsunamis, to raining debris the size of school buses, to the fires caused by thermal radiation, to raging snowstorms in which 10 feet of snow fell each day. Unless you were a turtle or other aquatic creature that could take relative shelter under water, it seems impossible to survive this sort of destruction, but in talking to experts Cassidy comes up with a plan — it just involves getting to Madagascar or Indonesia. (As I said previously, this is fanciful stuff.)

Similarly, Cassidy has suggestions on how we can survive the sack of Rome, a voyage with the pirate Blackbeard, the stranding of the Donner party on their doomed trek to California, and the devastating San Francisco earthquake in 1906. In these and other catastrophes, he colorfully provides the history while breezily inserting the reader into the event. An example from his chapter on Titanic: “you’re a frugal time traveler, so you elect to travel third class … That buys you a bunk on F deck, six levels below the top. It’s about the size of a prison cell, only it’s occupied by four people rather than just two. But who cares! All you do is sleep in it anyway, and this ship offers world-class amenities to its third-class passengers, who in this era would typically have to stuff themselves into one large, poorly ventilated and inadequately converted cargo hold.”

Cassidy’s survival plan when the ship hits the iceberg (with only enough lifeboats for a third of its passengers) involves calmly dressing in finery (to make it seem that you are a first-class passenger), using ladders that you’re not supposed to access, and going to the starboard side instead of port. Stay out of the water if you can — it’s 27 degrees Fahrenheit — but if you have to enter it, slip in rather than jumping, to give your body time to absorb the shock. Then swim hard for 10 to 15 minutes to build body heat. That could buy you time for passengers on a lifeboat to take pity and pull you in.

Yes, we’ve all seen the movie, but Cassidy gives us a wholly different experience with fascinating detail that James Cameron didn’t provide.

When he takes us to the port of Pompeii, 6 miles from Mount Vesuvius, he describes our plight as challenging but not hopeless. The Pompeiians who survived were the ones who took off immediately instead of taking shelter as the ash fell. The volcano erupted on Aug. 24, but it wasn’t until the next day that the entire village was wiped out, meaning that many people went to sleep that night thinking wrongly that they had survived. Where to go? Cassidy says there were two options: running north toward Naples or south toward Stabiae — fast. Both routes presented danger, but none that involved being consumed by a river of lava.

Will any of this information help you navigate life in the 21st century? Probably not. But is it more useful than anything you will find in the typical summer beach read? Absolutely.

That’s why anything by Cassidy is the perfect book for summer. It’s airy enough to not feel dreadfully important (you don’t have to retain information about how to survive the fall of Constantinople) but engaging enough that you will constantly want to quote from the book to people sitting beside you at the lake or beach. Plus, How to Survive History solves a problem of beach reads that has always irritated me — most often they’re romance novels written for women, a la Elin Hilderbrand.

It’s paperback and won’t be shortlisted for any elite prize, but Cassidy owns “humor history” and it’s top-notch for the genre. A

Album Reviews 23/06/29

Aja Monet, When The Poems Do What They Do (Drink Sum Wtr Records)

Right, so today I learned not only that famous-ish actress Amber Tamblyn is a poet, but that she was actually here in Manchvegas (unless it was her talking through a Zoom feed or some dumb thing) in May, at a Slam Free Or Die event at the Stark Brewing Co. This presents yet another opportunity for me to implore whoever runs the Slam Free thing to get in touch with me for press love opportunities, especially if any local poet has done a recording. And so on, but yes, all that stuff is relevant to this item, because Monet’s trip is beat poetry (or whatever she’s calling it, but it’s beat poetry, OK) and it comes from the heart of a community organizer and an enraged Black woman with the capacity to censor herself well enough. The New York Times and all those guys are into her very clever, very urban stuff; her backing musicians are quite creative as well. A

Austin Stambaugh, ‘Til I Reach Downtown (Anti-Corporate Music)

Recorded in just three days (probably owing to the fact that there are some pretty good session musicians who were on the clock), this is the latest album from the Nashville-by-way-of-Ohio guitarist/poet/songwriter, the preparation for which — so he claims — involved his listening to a lot of Roger Miller, but it’s all good either way. This is the most drawl-y sort of bluegrass, remindful of Hank Williams Sr. in his earliest heydey. The pedal steel is handled with tobaccy-spittin’ aplomb by Stephen Karney; there’s fiddle of course, including Jared Manzo’s (of Brazilbilly) “bass fiddle,” in other words upright acoustic bass. Any old-school — and I mean seriously old-school — country music fan would love these tunes about being lonesome, being lonesome around people, and being lonesome at a hotel. The whole record sounds like these folks were having a great time making it, oh, and by the way, the drummer, John Mctigue III, played with Emmylou Harris. Not a hair out of place on this one. A+

Playlist

• Friday is the last day of June, the 30th, and that means the summer is already a third of the way over, can you even stand it? In addition, Friday is a day when new albums will emerge to bring us joy and happiness and barfiness in appropriate measure, and that’s what we’ll talk about today, in this multiple award-winning column, the good albums and the bad ones! The first thing we should cover is the “new” LP from Frank Zappa, Funky Nothingness, because a lot of people really like Zappa for some reason and I don’t want everyone to think I’m a jerk. OK, I really don’t care about that all that much, and in fact this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned The Zap in this column, because I’ve always thought of him as a cross between Captain Beefheart and Weird Al Yankovic, basically a joke-band leader I don’t have time for, but whatever, I think the most eyebrow-raising thing is that since 1994 the Zappa family trust has released count-’em 63 posthumous albums (nine of which have actually charted) prior to this three-record set. No, I’ve always viewed Zappa adherents as casual music fans who listen to his music because they’re afraid that if they listened to listenable music they’d actually like it; they’re sort of like Marxists who’d much rather discuss peripheral nonsense like “dialectical materialism” than do anything constructive. I mean, your mileage may vary of course; if you love Zappa because you had some sort of religious or drug-induced or whatnot epiphany that led you directly to the realization that he was a genius, then bless your heart, I accept you without reservation and hope this record makes your day. All I’d ask in the meantime is that you consider listening to Charles Mingus if you really want to hear noise-music-genius, and please don’t send me emails trying to convince me that I just don’t get it. I tried once in the past, I assure you: I bought the Joe’s Garage album with real American money long before I became a music journo whose only tangible reward has been receiving over 21,585 free albums from PR people since 2004, all of which I’ve liked more than Joe’s Garage. I don’t get Zappa and never want to. I’d rather listen to the 1970 nature album Songs Of The Humpback Whale than try to like Joe’s Garage, much less this new collection of balderdash, which is said to include a song I can’t name in this fine family newspaper, although a live version of it recorded at Olympic Auditorium in 1970 is blow-doors if you like hard jam-band music, which I don’t.

• Next up is another posthumous release, from former Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts, widely known in musician circles as The Little Engine That Wasn’t Allowed To Make Interesting Drum Rolls. The LP is called Anthology and features the artiste’s impressions of old jazz tunes from Charlie Parker and such. Let’s move on.

• Folk-rock veteran Lucinda Williams, a.k.a. “not Bonnie Raitt,” returns with a new “platter” of music things, titled “Stories From A Rock N Roll Heart!” One of the songs is “Where The Song Will Find Me,” a slow moonshine-crooner with some nice pedal steel guitar, not that pedal steel guitar isn’t nice.

• We’ll close with Angelo De Augustine, an awkward California-indie dude who’s collaborated with and opened for Sufjan Stevens. His new LP is Toil And Trouble and features the tune “Another Universe,” which has lots of falsetto vocals and whatnot, making him the 2 billionth awkward indie-pop dude to rip off Pet Sounds this decade! Congratulations, Whatsyourface!

If you’re in a local band, now’s a great time to let me know about your EP, your single, whatever’s on your mind. Let me know how you’re holding yourself together without being able to play shows or jam with your homies. Send a recipe for keema matar. Message me on Twitter (@esaeger) or Facebook (eric.saeger.9).

Drowning, by T.J. Newman

Drowning, by T.J. Newman (Avid Reader Press, 293 pages)

If you haven’t read T.J. Newman yet, best get started. She is one of the hottest names in publishing right now, having seemingly emerged out of nowhere to sign multi-million deals that will put her two novels on the big screen. The first was 2021’s Falling; her new book is Drowning. Both are fast-paced thrillers set on a plane, drawing from Newman’s experience as a flight attendant, a job she took after failing to capitalize on her musical theater degree on Broadway. Both are best read on terra firma, not in the air.

In Falling, Newman gave us a Coastal Airlines pilot who learns midflight that his family has been kidnapped by terrorists who will kill his family if he doesn’t intentionally crash the plane. Coastal Airlines — the most cursed fictional airline since the TV show Lost gave us Oceanic — is back in Drowning, in which a plane with 99 souls on board has a catastrophic engine failure less than two minutes into a flight out of Honolulu and has to “ditch” — airline lingo for the dreaded “water landing.”

It’s unclear why Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger could land an Airbus A320 on the Hudson River without fatalities in 2009, while Coastal Flight 1421 — an Airbus A321 — could not, but ours is not to wonder why. Ours is to sit nervously in the grips of a book that author Don Winslow described in his jacket blurb as “Apollo 13 underwater.” The squeamish and claustrophobic will never make it through the movie when it comes out, but can probably suffer through the book just fine.

Probably.

The story revolves around a family of three which used to be a family of four — an engineer named Will, his estranged wife Chris, and their 11-year-old daughter Shannon. The couple had another daughter who died in an accident, and the relationship had broken from the weight of the tragedy.

Shannon is spending two weeks away from home, and Will is accompanying her on the flight because he is so anxious about something happening to his only surviving child. That setup seems unnecessarily campy given that the stakes are already so high, but Newman employs every trick to keep her readers engaged.

The entire family is brainy — Will had designed their Honolulu home so that even the position of the sun works to make it comfortable, and Chris is an industrial diver who — conveniently, as it turns out — owns an underwater salvage company. One criticism of Newman’s first book is that the circumstances so much require the suspension of disbelief, and that is certainly true here. (What are the odds that the mother of one of the children trapped on an underwater plane is an industrial diver? One hundred percent in a T.J. Newman book.)

There is no lengthy build-up to the disaster: Will notices the engine on fire on the first page, and we are rocketed into assorted passengers’ lives as they frantically try to come to grips with what is happening. We meet the flight attendants Molly and Kaholo, the co-captain Kit, the elderly couple who had traveled to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary, the newlyweds, the newly divorced woman taking her first solo vacation, the unaccompanied minor, the requisite jerk whose death we won’t mind. When the plane goes into the water, some passengers die right away; others make the ill-fated decision to exit and take their chances in the water.

Only 12 stay behind — some following the advice of Will, who realized the risks of exiting the plane as a fire raged and fuel spilled into the sea — others because they just can’t get out in time. Not long afterward, the plane starts to sink and eventually comes to a precarious stop on the point of a cliff. Water is seeping into the cabin, but there is enough air that Will, Shannon and the other passengers can function normally, at least for the time being. Each new section of the book ominously gives an update on how much oxygen they have left: “2:48 p.m. 2 hours and 47 minutes after impact. Approximately 2.5 hours of oxygen inside plane.”

Meanwhile, on land, the military-led rescue operation somewhat improbably grows to involve a certain industrial diver whose estranged spouse and child happen to be on the plane. There is conflict over which of the severely limited rescue options has the least chance of killing the people inside the plane and those who are trying to rescue them.

The language is sparse to the point of comical when viewed with a critical eye: “A baby started to wait. The mother held her tight and sang a soft song into her ear. No one had a clue what was going to happen. Uncertainty brought fear. Fear created anxiety. They prayed. They cried. They texted goodbye to their loved ones.”

So you already know where this is going. And you probably have a decent idea how this will end. But that’s OK, because Newman, who looks to be her generation’s James Patterson, is a master at the carrot-and-stick formula that builds tension into every bite-sized chapter. A lot can go wrong even after a commercial jet lands in the ocean, let’s put it that way. And things are going wrong long past the point at which you’d think things should be starting to resolve.

There was a full-scale bidding war over the film rights, even before the book was released May 30. The excessively campy video trailer for Drowning says “the best film of the summer is a book.” It’s not wrong. The book reads like a screenplay, and therefore must be judged like one. No one will swoon over Newman’s prose, but in the summer thriller genre, in which literary standards relax quite a bit (like office dress codes on Casual Friday), she’s at the head of her class. B

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