Year: 2021

Early on in the Covid lockdown, I decided to take ice cream to the workers at my dump. I wanted to do something for someone in essential services and I have a lot of respect for people who do hard, thankless work.

Every week during hot weather I would swing by the general store in our town on the way to the dump and grab them some ice cream bars or cold sodas. A small gesture of thanks.0

So I was at the dump transfer station, dropping off our trash and talking with one of the guys there, telling him some sort of stupid joke, something like:

Q: Why did the dolphin flunk out of ballet school?
A: Poor poise.

My friend laughed loudly enough to get the attention of one of the other guys working behind a giant stack of cardboard.

“IS THAT THE JOKE GUY?”

“YEAH!”

“DID HE BRING ICE CREAM?”

I’d kind of like that on my grave: THE JOKE GUY. HE BROUGHT ICE CREAM.

Anyway, one of my friends at the transfer station gave me a gift one week, a 1963 copy of The Barmen’s Bible — a well-worn cocktail manual from the time when bartenders could reasonably be expected to wear bowties.

This week, I was looking through The Barmen’s Bible and ran across a drink recipe that stopped me cold. Under a section devoted to “coolers” was something called a Honolulu Cooler — a solid name. A promising name. Until you get to the Southern Comfort.

Crushed ice — check

Lime juice — check

Pineapple juice — check

Southern Comfort … ?

Really, Oscar Haimo, President of the International Bar Managers Association, circa 1963? Southern Comfort?

As my wife pointed out, though, this drink is obviously called Honolulu because of the pineapple juice. It doesn’t necessarily have anything more to do with Hawaii than that. It could have been invented in an Elks Club in Akron.

So, this is what I figured. I’d make this clearly awful drink, figure out what was wrong with it (the Southern Comfort), then reformulate it to taste better.

As it turns out, there was a flaw in that plan.

The Honolulu Cooler is a solid, tasty drink. It’s shockingly good. You would think that Southern Comfort and pineapple juice would be cough-syrupy sweet, but the fresh lime juice keeps them on a leash. “Shhhh, boys,” it says, “these are our friends; be nice.”

It is refreshing and delicious. You could easily drink an injudicious number of these.

Honolulu Cooler

Juice of half a lime, about 1 oz.

1 jigger (1½ oz.) Southern comfort

Approximately 5 oz. pineapple juice

Fill a tall glass with cracked ice.

Add lime juice and Southern Comfort

Fill to the top with pineapple juice

Stir with a bar spoon.

A little research on this drink hints that it was actually invented and served in a large hotel in Honolulu. The more I thought about it, the more this made sense. It would be incredibly fast and easy to make for wide-eyed tourists and the use of a name-brand alcohol would allow the hotel bar to bump the price by a good 30 percent.

Of course, the fact that this is a perfectly good drink already did not stop me from reconfiguring it anyway.

My version uses lime syrup instead of lime juice, which would make the drink too sweet, but I countered that with the bitterness from Campari and a bracing note from gin.

Existential Luau

1 oz. lime syrup (see below)

1 oz. Campari

2 oz. gin (I like Death’s Door)

4 oz. pineapple juice

cracked ice or tiny ice cubes

Fill a tall glass – a pint glass or a Collins glass – with ice.

Add lime syrup, Campari, and gin.

Top off with pineapple juice.

Stir with a bar spoon.

This drink is pink, but not bubble-gum pink. It’s the color of a sunset. An apricot that someone has whispered a dirty suggestion to. The color of contentment at the end of a hot, trying day. The ingredients have a tendency to separate very slightly, so the Luau starts out a little bitter-sweet, then becomes more limey as you drink it.

As do your thoughts.

Lime Syrup

Juice of 3-4 limes

An equal amount (by weight) of white sugar

Zest of 2 limes.

In a small saucepan, bring the lime juice and sugar to a boil. Stir until the sugar is completely dissolved, about 10-15 seconds, once it’s boiling.

Remove from heat and add lime zest. Let it steep for 30 minutes.

Strain the zest from the syrup, so it doesn’t get bitter.

Label your jar so you won’t have an awkward moment a week from now, when your wife wants to know what’s in that jar in the door of the fridge. Or maybe that’s just me.

Featured photo: Photo by John Fladd.

Veggies and seafood pair well with white wines

Grilled steak or spaghetti and meatballs call for a robust wine such as a cabernet sauvignon or a Chianti. Easy enough. But when the dishes are lighter fare, such as a baked or broiled fish or seafood, a salad, a cheese plate, the selection of the wine becomes a bit more complicated and can result in either a perfect pairing of flavors and richness or sheer disaster.

Often wines for these dishes tend to be white wines, although a bright, light red pinot noir or Beaujolais can be paired with some seafood, such as grilled salmon, grilled scallops and tuna, or a mushroom risotto. White wines can be light and crisp or fuller in body with some creaminess to the mouth. They span the spectrum from the dry citric notes of sauvignon blanc of Bordeaux to the less acidic notes of whites from the Venezia district of Italy, to Alsatian whites with their minerality, to California chardonnays, with their full mouth feel along with the possibility of oak.

The first wine is Bertani’s 2018 Velante Pinot Grigio (originally $14.99, reduced to $7.99, at New Hampshire Liquor & Wine Outlets). As the name suggests, this may be considered the “Italian white wine” as pinot grigio is the most imported variety of wine in America. The grape variety is indigenous to Burgundy but is now grown throughout northern Italy and has migrated to the rest of the world. In Italy it is found in Veneto, Trentino, Friuli, and south to Umbria and Emilia-Romagna. This wine is mildly acidic, with a low alcohol content of 12.5 percent. The grapes come from the Venezia Giulia region, grown vertically trellised, harvested, and fermented in steel containers for three months, followed by another three months in bottle maturation.

To the nose it has an aroma of green or golden tart apples along with the subtle sweetness of pear and peach. It remains light and crisp to the tongue and to my palate is a bit like an unoaked chardonnay. This wine is perfect with light plates like a salad with greens, oranges and nuts, or broiled fish, pasta dishes and risottos. It is a pleasure to be enjoyed when cooled to 45 to 50 degrees.

Our second wine is Substance 2019 Washington State Chardonnay (originally $18.99, reduced to $14.99 at state stores). Charles Smith, winemaker and former rock concert tour manager, respects hard work and puts that hard work into his wine. This is a chardonnay that is aromatic with some citric, apples and flowers to your nose. The mouth is rich and creamy, with oak and vanilla and a bit of yeast that you would find in a Champagne. At 14 percent it is higher in alcohol than the pinot grigio, nudging the alcoholic content of rich cabernet sauvignons.

The wine is sourced from several vineyards in the Columbia Valley, all at elevations from 1,350 to 1,650 feet above sea level. Interestingly, the high elevations allow the vineyards an extended growing season as early late-summer harvest frosts can settle into the valleys before reaching the hillsides. This results in a higher sugar content in the grape and a full, rich flavor that excels beyond the citric notes a less mature chardonnay would have. This is an excellent wine to pair with lobster or salmon, but it can also hold up to a Caesar or vegetarian Cobb salad, and perhaps a simple green salad of lettuces and herbs, with a creamy and not too acidic dressing.