When you were in school, did you ever have one of those teachers who always went off-topic?
You know the type: He was supposed to be lecturing on the Dewey Decimal System or something, and he would tell the class a story about a haberdasher he used to know in Cleveland, who had nine fingers and a dog named Sylvia.
And yet — somehow — he would end up circling around and making an important and pertinent point about the actual subject. Anyway, this is one of those stories:
My teenager and I had just finished our Taekwondo class and were driving home. The Teen asked if we could stop at our favorite convenience store, because if she didn’t eat some chocolate-covered pretzels immediately, she would die, messily in the passenger seat.
I grabbed a diet orange soda and was waiting at the front counter, while The Teen gave the variety of pretzels the intense scrutiny they required.
Two clerks were on duty. I know one of them pretty well — I’m a regular customer — but the other was clearly new. I nodded at each of them.
We had just come from martial arts class, and it was a sparring week, so not only was I in uniform and unpleasantly sweaty, but I had also just taken a beating.
“Rough week?” my regular clerk asked.
“Man!” I replied. “I dropped some bad powdered unicorn horn over the weekend. The guy said it was pure, but I think it was cut with some of that South Korean stuff….”
“I hear you,” my friend said.
I continued. “I’ve got a cousin who managed to score me some pixie dust on Monday, and that helped a little, but I kept floating a foot off the couch, and I couldn’t play XBox properly.”
“We’ve all been there,” Clerk No. 1 said, comfortingly.
At this point, Clerk No. 2 was extremely confused.
“I mean,” I said with real frustration in my voice, “I’m just trying to stop the tentacles. You know what I mean?”
Clerk No. 1 nodded understandingly and patted my shoulder. Clerk No. 2 started to say something, then thought better of it. The Teen found her snack. I paid, and we left.
As we walked out the door, I heard Clerk Number Two ask, “Is he always like that?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” said his colleague.
This is my point: It’s been a rough week and you could use a pretty pink drink.
Rhubarb Margarita
- 2 ounces blanco tequila — I like Hornitos.
- 1 ounce fresh-squeezed lime juice
- ¾ ounce rhubarb syrup (see below)
Add all ingredients and 4 or 5 ice cubes to a cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously.
Pour unstrained into a rocks glass.
Regardless of how you start this drink, it will have an effect on you. I am a grumpy, walrus-like man in late middle age. By the time I finished shaking this, I found myself wearing a tutu and sparkle-shoes.
This is a tart, refreshing take on a traditional margarita. The lime juice and tequila are the dominant tastes, but there is a tart fruitiness in the background that you would not be able to identify if you were drinking this blindfolded — which, for what it’s worth, sounds like a really great way to spend a weekend, making new friends. That’s the rhubarb. It’s delicious but prefers to stay in the background, steering this cocktail in delicate and happy directions.
“Yeah, that’s really pretty and all, but I’m not the world’s biggest fan of tequila.”
Fair. Replace the tequila with white rum, and you’ll have something we might call a Blushing Daiquiri.
“What if I’m 9 years old?”
You’re not supposed to be reading cocktail columns. Have Dad replace the alcohol with club soda. It will be the Very Prettiest Soda.
Rhubarb Syrup
Combine equal amounts of frozen diced rhubarb and white sugar in a saucepan. You will be afraid you have made a major miscalculation — it will look like a lumpy pile of sugar. Be stout of heart.
Cook over medium heat. As the rhubarb thaws and cooks, the sugar will draw out a surprising amount of liquid. Bring the mixture to a boil and let it cook for 30 seconds or so.
Remove from the heat, and let it steep for half an hour or so. Strain off the syrup into a bottle for use. Do not discard the rhubarb; it is the base of a superb compote. Squeeze a little fresh lemon juice into it and you will have a fantastic topping for toast or ice cream.
Featured photo. Rhubarb Margarita. Photo by John Fladd.