Film Reviews by Amy Diaz

Bill S. Preston, Esq., and Ted Theodore Logan are way old, dude, but are still trying to write the song that will unite the world in Bill & Ted Face the Music, the 29-years-in-the-making sequel which is available in theaters and at home.

And — in an option that would be particularly appreciated for kids’ movies released via the Video On Demand model — you can rent or purchase the movie for home viewing (about $19.99 to rent, $24.99 to purchase and, via Apple, there’s an option to purchase all three Bill and Ted movies for just under $35).

Bill (Alex Winters) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) found success as the band Wyld Stallyns — but that success peaked some decades ago and since then they have been releasing increasingly meh albums and playing to ever dwindling crowds. At least they still have nice homes in San Dimas with their wives, Joanna (Jayma Mays) and Elizabeth (Erinn Hayes), who, as the movie reminds you, were medieval princesses who hitched a ride away from medieval times in the boys’ time-traveling phone booth back in the 1980s. Bill and Ted also have late-teen/early-twentysomething daughters: Bill’s is Thea (Samara Weaving) and Ted’s is Billie (Brigette Lundy-Paine). The girls are, it appears, best friends and dedicated music fans if not musicians themselves.

So life is OK, maybe — but apparently the future is not. Bill and Ted’s failure to write the song to unite all people is causing instability in space and time. Kelly (Kristen Schaal) arrives from the future to tell Bill and Ted that they have until 7:17 p.m. to write their big song or all of reality will collapse, as evidenced by the weird blips in time that have already started (George Washington disappearing from the crossing of the Delaware to reappear in place of Babe Ruth at a baseball game, for example). At least, Kelly, the daughter of Rufus, Bill and Ted’s original friend from the future (played in the original movies by the late George Carlin), believes that’s what needs to happen. Her mom, the Great Leader (Holland Taylor) from the future, thinks maybe Bill and Ted just need to exit the world of the living by 7:17 and in the service of that sends back a killer robot (Anthony Carrigan), Terminator-style.

That robot is maybe the best distillation of this movie’s blend of broad action and supreme goofiness. He is single-minded but not super good at his job and his reactions are fairly hilarious — blending the movie’s self-awareness and silliness.

Also a charming mix of self-awareness and silliness are Reeves and Winters delivering their late-1980s California teen accents and holding their Bill and Ted facial expressions with complete earnestness, especially since, hold on to your lattes fellow Gen-Xers, they are now in their mid 50s. They seem like they’re having fun with this goofy trip down memory lane and the movie has real affection for them. As in the previous two movies, we get current Bill and Ted meeting up with future Bill and Ted and the increasingly angry and bizarre versions of themselves that they meet are cartoony fun. Also as in earlier movies, we get historical figures (Billie and Thea try to help their dads by forming a band with the likes of Louis Armstrong, Jimi Hendrix and Mozart) and Death (William Sadler, reprising his role from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey), whose reunion with Bill and Ted is strained because they had some legal troubles when he left the band.

Bill & Ted Face the Music feels almost more like a public service, like one of those beloved comedy show Zoom reunions, than a real movie. It feels like it was designed to serve nostalgia and silliness and give you a 91-minute break from the world, which is exactly what it does. B

Rated PG-13 for some language, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Dean Parisot with a screenplay by Chris Matheson & Ed Solomon, Bill & Ted Face the Music is an hour and 31 minutes long and is distributed by United Artists.

Film Reviews by Amy Diaz

I got in my car and drove to an actual theater to see The New Mutants, a very “get ready for a five-part franchise!” movie about characters in an X-Men universe.

The movie didn’t offer me, a movies-only follower of the X-Men stories, any specific indication of when we are in the X-Men cinematic universe timeline and only the occasional mention of the X-Men by way of tie-in. Wikipedia says that while the movie once had sequel hopes, the Disney purchase of Fox means there probably won’t be a Part 2. So, a movie that feels like it wasted all its time on setting up characters that will never pay off feels especially like a missed opportunity.

Danielle Moonstar (Blu Hunt), called Dani, is our way in to this corner of the expanded mutant universe. After a mysterious something crashes through her reservation, destroying everything and everyone (including Dani’s beloved father) in its path, Dani wakes up in a hospital bed in a locked room in an institution. Dr. Reyes (Alice Braga) tells her that she is being held here, for her own safety, until they can figure out what her special ability is, which Reyes says manifested itself during the “tornado” that destroyed the reservation. There’s a bunch of yada-yada-ing about Dani knowing it wasn’t a tornado and Reyes telling her it was and then later that it wasn’t and either the movie did a clunky job of explaining the whole discovery-of-Dani’s-powers thing or I was too bored by this part of the setup to pay attention or some amount of both.

Dani eventually meets the other “patients” at this facility, other teens with abilities: Illyana (Anya Taylor-Joy) can disappear at will, conjure swords from thin air, has a puppet that can turn into a real dragon and is super mean (all of this is connected to her deeply disturbing and traumatic childhood, which feels like a too-dark story element that this underbaked potato of a movie doesn’t earn). Rahne (Maisie Williams) is a sweet girl who turns into a wolf and quickly befriends Dani. Sam (Charlie Heaton) used to work in the Kentucky coal mines and can blast off and zoom around and, er, stuff. Bobby (Henry Zaga) is from a wealthy Brazilian family, likes himself a lot and can flame on, Human Torch-style (Wikipedia suggests that this isn’t an entirely accurate way to describe the character’s powers but, whatever they were in their comics source material, that’s how it’s portrayed here). Dani doesn’t know what her powers are but she hangs out with the others, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and hoping that perhaps this whole hospital stay is the first step on the road to X-Men membership.

The bare bones as I’ve described them sound promising, and elements of this movie have good ideas behind them. But the movie takes half of its run time, maybe more, to get going. And while the characters are potentially interesting I didn’t find myself particularly invested in the stories of any of them. The stakes feel low, not in a “personal story versus saving-the-world” way but in a “we’re saving stakes for the second movie” way.

Would I feel differently about this movie if I hadn’t made my first trip to a theater since forever to see it, if it had been on Disney+? I’d probably be more inclined to forgive some of the weakness because, hey, Williams is frequently doing interesting things with her character and it’s only 94 minutes long. But no matter the viewing experience, The New Mutants isn’t quite X-Men enough to make you feel like you’re watching an X-Men movie, even one of the Logan or Deadpool side-project variety, but it isn’t strong enough to stand as its own story either. C

Rated PG-13 for violent content, some disturbing/bloody images, some strong language, thematic elements and suggestive material, according to the MPA on filmratings.com. Directed by Josh Boone with a screenplay by Josh Boone and Knate Lee, The New Mutants is an hour and 34 minutes long and is distributed in theaters by Twentieth Century Fox Film Corp.